Every once in a while, I think I get lost in the repetitive nature of life. Wake up, prepare food, play/work, prepare food, play/work, prepare food, get kids to bed, work, go to bed. Yep, that's my day! But there is an added constant battle that comes with motherhood as I attempt to keep the kids well fed and well rested and learning about life and Jesus in a way that honors God.
Yeesh, you wouldn't think that sentence would carry so many weight and so many different ways to fulfill it, but it does!
The Lord has been renewing in me my heart for Him. It's always been there and it is the bedrock and foundation of my life, but He's renewing my focus on pulling from Him rather than myself.
There are so many fears and uncertainties that come with motherhood, not to mention all the pressures from everyone else about how best to live your life, it can get exhausting. But at the heart of it all, I come back to praise. I come back to my home - God's heart.
I wish I did a better job of representing Him. I still have my guilty pleasures related to this world that are hard to let go because they do help me relax, and I think that's okay, but probably just for a season. (For one, I'll admit, I'm a Marvel movie fan!) God is slowly turning me toward Him and working on my heart. He's showing me how to trust Him in situations I find impossible. He's showing me how my definition of "not-meeting-Bible-standards" isn't the end of the story. Just because a situation isn't going as planned or as it should go doesn't mean that God can't and won't have the ultimate say. I'm working on getting that perspective back in my mind of His sovereignty. He has the ability to change hearts and literally love on people to move them towards Him in a way where they choose Him willingly -- not because He twisted their free will, but because His love is that powerful. It is that encompassing and beautiful--and He knows how to get through to people in a way that I --and even them -- will never understand.
Trusting Him. Learning. Growing. Every day... and trusting God that in the middle of that trusting, the kiddos will watch and learn about the relationship I have with God. Because when it all comes down to it, it's not so much about a salvation prayer, although that's the beginning. It's about a relationship with God Almighty, who can also become your best friend.
