how to help a grieving friend, part 2

Nine years ago, I wrote down some ways you can help someone who is dealing with grief (click here to read!). I started thinking about it again recently because of some dear people who have passed way too soon into heaven and my friends are grieving their loss.

I also thought about it because someone sent me something that made me remember my brother, who passed away in 2009... which is why I wanted to write how to help a grieving friend, part 2.

Here's the story... in the stack of Christmas cards I got this year, I received one from a close girlfriend. It got shoved away in my desk, so I forgot to open it until yesterday. When I did, it wasn't the normal Christmas card I expected. It said, "A gift has been made to Samaritan's Purse in your honor." Now, Samaritan's Purse is an awesome organization that I am happy to support, but it wasn't until I opened the card that I was floored.

The inside read:

I immediately cried. I hadn't seen his name written out for years. It reminded me that he was more than just a family memory. He was a real person that I used to hug and live with and make memories with. It was such a moment to treasure to just reflect on him and love on him and know that someone across the world was getting blessed because of this gift in his honor and they knew his name. 

Whoa... it blessed me!

And I wanted you to know... if you want to help a grieving friend, do something out of the ordinary and in that person's honor like this. Surprise them weeks down the road, years down the road. Write down the anniversary on your calendar. Write down a note to do something for them in the future. Do something now to let them know that you remember and care about them. 

I vividly remember nine months after Brody passed that we got a card in the mail from someone just talking about him... and it came from someone who wasn't necessarily a close friend we talked to every day! That blessed me so much! So much love and outpouring comes immediately after something happens - and yes, that stuff sticks with you too - but there's something special about someone remembering when the world has moved on. 

So if you know someone who lost a friend last year or the year before that or years or decades ago... or even last week, send them a special note. If it was a recent loss, make a note of the anniversary and send them a gift next year and the year after. Do something out of the ordinary and unexpected to show you care... it will bless them! 

healed as they went

"As Jesus continued on toward Jerusalem, he reached the border between Galilee and Samaria. As he entered a village there, ten men with leprosy stood at a distance, crying out, 'Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!'

"He looked at them and said, 'Go show yourselves to the priests.' And as they went, they were cleansed of their leprosy.

"One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting, 'Praise God!' He fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet, thanking him for what he had done. This man was a Samaritan.

"Jesus asked, 'Didn’t I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?' And Jesus said to the man, 'Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you.'" -Luke 17:11-19 NLT


I've had a phrase that I've been thinking on over the past few weeks.

"healed as they went"

The concept comes from this passage of Scripture. The lepers were healed as they went. Consider how odd it must have felt for them to walk away from Jesus without seeing immediate change in their bodies. Maybe they expected that because lepers were thought to be contagious, and they knew they shouldn't get close.

Jesus didn't even touch them, yet they were cleansed through their obedience.

They had to turn around and walk without seeing immediate change. That must have been hard. I'm not exactly sure when the change came, but it says they were healed as they went to see the priests... I imagine it came slowly. Once they started to see a difference, I bet their excitement rose.

Placing myself in that story helps me imagine that God doesn't always answer as we plan or want Him to. Obedience is key. Trusting Him is key. Don't stop believing if He doesn't do as you expect. Anything is possible when you believe.

One reason this is a big idea for me is because my hubby has been going through a lot of health issues. Right now, he has some opportunities that I believe as he walks them out in faith and trusting God, he will be healed as he goes!

Now, God may not answer exactly as I plan, but I'm learning to trust Him through the process as these lepers did, even if I don't see things right away. HE IS STILL AT WORK! All caps to remind me it's always the case.

why do we have to go through valleys?

Psalm 23 says that David waked through the valley of the shadow of death. That doesn't sound like much fun. In fact, for many who are going through a difficult time, it begs the question, why do we need valleys? If God is good, couldn't He use His goodness and power to keep life fantastic for us at all time? Wouldn't a life of mountain tops be better?

Actually, that question itself is impossible. A land filled with mountain tops would be a flat valley. Mountaintops are made beautiful by the very fact that there are valleys. And depending on where you are, valleys are filled with foliage that cannot be appreciated from the mountaintop. Both experiences create a fuller experience of life.

For us to be dogmatic and assume all of life should head in a certain direction is an invalid conclusion because the beauty in life and the beauty in creation comes from the multidimensional terrain.

God didn't make this life a flatland. He made it a beautiful world of valleys and mountain tops. It's our job to trust Him through it all. As we trust Him, we can hunt for the beauty in the valleys and soak in the majesty of the mountain tops.

preterm labor, a praise report, and prayer request

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! There's something special to me about the day where you just get to be together with family and enjoy a nice big meal. :-) And then be all stuffed together and lay around the house... lol!

Our Thanksgiving was nice. I received doctor's permission to travel a couple hours to see Erik's family, and it was great to see them. What wasn't so great was the night after. I woke up around 1 p.m. and had a lot more contractions than normal. I was trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it for the next few hours. I was able to fall asleep for another hour before waking up again. At that point, I was concerned enough to contact the doctor and figure out what was causing these consistent contractions.

I called my doc and since I was out of town, she set it up for me to head into the nearest hospital where they had a maternity ward and could monitor me. Sure enough, I had contractions (probably 5 minutes or so apart? I don't even remember... it was too many!) and not necessarily a reason for them. I got some meds to calm them down and that helped. Then they measured my cervix to see if I was near delivery or far away, so they could know their next plan of action - and yes, part of that plan of action would be to transport me to the cities to deliver that day if needed! So glad that didn't happen, yikes!

Here's where the praise report is: it turns out that my cervix is long and strong and my cerclage (stitch) is holding as it needs to. In fact, a lot of women with normal pregnancies at this stage in the game would potentially have a shorter cervix than me just based on the natural progression of pregnancy!

I thought about it after the fact and realized that since my surgery I've been stating, "I have a strong cervix and a strong cerclage." And sure enough, it's true! Thank you, Lord. I still stand on that truth, even as I've had contractions throughout the day, as I want to have a healthy baby come in January or at the earliest, late December.

The tricky part is my pregnancy now no longer fits the "norm" so I need God's wisdom in knowing how to respond to what my body tells me (contractions, etc.) and knowing if or when it would be important to get doctor's help. So, yes, I will keep laying low over this next month, especially as I figure out what my body is doing.

Now, as if this wasn't enough to deal with, we have finally come to a crossing point with Erik's health issues. Some of you may know that he's been dealing with a lot of different things health-wise for the past 6-7 years. We've dealt with it in different ways - from the ablation/heart surgery that was successful in 2010 to specialist doctors to chiropractor visits to a visit at Mayo Clinic this past September. It's been exhausting and hard to know which path to follow; all we knew to do was keep praying and follow what seemed best at the time, trusting that the Lord was behind the directions and thoughts we were having.

All of that, though, still didn't seem to fully address the issue. Erik's symptoms continued and even worsened. A lot has happened in the past three months--including a few hospital visits and an irregular heartbeat, which Erik hasn't experienced for three years--and Erik has really faced his most difficult health situations. It's been no fun watching him go through this. :(

The good news is, we've found the answer that we are hoping and praying will be the final push to getting Erik healthy. A recommendation from a family member brought us to a doctor near Erik's home town that confidently diagnosed what he is dealing with as multiple types of Lyme's disease. The doctor has a plan to get Erik healthy again, which is amazing! (and I really think this is the first time we've had such a confident answer and plan - I'm very grateful!)

Right now, because of the condition his body is in, he has had to stop working.  (A huge shout out to his company for letting him go on medical leave! They have been a huge blessing to us through this.) The heart concerns, shortness of breath, and dizziness he has been experiencing was interfering with his ability to work. (He didn't even go hunting this year!) He has been on tonics from the doctor during this time period, and we are believing that they will address the bacterial issues he is facing and ultimately help address the heart issues and other symptoms he has experienced for years.

The doctor said that Erik should be feeling somewhat better by Christmas and within six months he'll be feeling better than he has in years. I'm hopeful that this is the end of this health journey so Erik can finally feel better again and be back to himself!

I know we have a journey between now and then. If you think of us, could you please say a prayer for grace and strength for each one of us physically, mentally, and spiritually, as we walk through this next month, in particular, and then beyond as Erik's health continues to strengthen? Thanks.

That would be amazing.

And you know what? You'll probably see us much more often around once we get through this final push to health victory! Praise God. He will get the glory through all this and the devil will pay!