You're my oldest, yet my littlest... but I am pretty sure, you're only little in my memory. You're much bigger, I imagine. Maybe you're already an adult in heaven or maybe you're growing up in heaven and today you're celebrating your four-year-old birthday! I don't know, but I like imagining what life is like for you up there as we remember meeting you four years ago.
I have been looking forward to today with excitement because it's a chance to celebrate and remember you all day long. Then last night, I got choked up remembering, which I knew would happen,... and I think all that is healthy. You're my baby and I love remembering you, but I do wish you were here... but then I know that Brayden may not be here due to logistics if you were here... so crazy how that works out. God has helped us remain content with loving you up in heaven and providing two new brothers down here on earth. I'm content that you're mine and Erik's, no matter what.
I have a box of your things and a box of cards people sent to us when you went home with Jesus. I wanted to share some of that with these people who are reading about you....
First, you were only a little less than a pound and a little less than a foot when you were born at 21 weeks. Your card and your footprints are below. You were perfectly formed and have everything right about you. You lived outside of me for a little less than an hour. You were perfectly formed and it was amazing to see that you were a perfect human being, every part in place, just tinier than everyone else.
Here is your bib that my cousin, Summer, made for you. I love it because it's personalized. That is your hat from the hospital, which fit your head perfectly. You had a little knit wrap to match. A big thank you to the people who made and donated those clothes to the hospital.
One of the biggest lessons you showed me and I will share again and again to the world is that you were fully formed and a beautiful baby at such a young age. You were just a few weeks shy of when that hospital would put you in the NICU. Although I sometimes have mixed feelings about being so close to having you survive, it's okay now. You're in an amazing place with Jesus and God has blessed us abundantly with your brothers. ... and I'm SUPER excited to be reunited with you and have your brothers meet you!
So today, we remember and celebrate your beautiful life. You've taught us so much and we've learned about trusting God through everything... and are still working on it quite a lot.
Love you so much and I am so excited to meet you, see who you look like, get to know your personality, and spend eternity worshipping Jesus with you! Happy birthday!
P.S. I can't believe it is four years already!
Love, Mommy
:-)
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