over six weeks later

Wow. I've had about ten ideas for a blog post run in and out of my head over the past week... and I'm still not sure which to land on.

So I'll just post an update. :-)

Erik and I had a great time in Florida last week on vacation. He has pics on his facebook and I have a video on mine of some of the deep sea fishing we did... aka the big fish he caught and the octopus I landed! I loved being out on the sea - especially since we had an absolutely perfect day weather-wise. Pretty much no wind, just the swells of the gulf. We were about 25 miles away from shore! Awesome! (And yes, I thanked God a lot on that day, especially as we were riding to and from our fishing spot!)

Getting back into routine after vacation has been a little sad - not too much, just a little. My six-week recovery is up and my little vacation that happened to land at the end of that is up too. That means life back to normal. I think the stinky part is January and February aren't my favorite months of the year because of winter and there's not a ton of "stuff" going on during those months (no major holidays, etc.) and you can't just go and hang out with someone outside. It's a little too cold for that! This fall, I was excited because January and February were going to be completely different - filled with baby showers and planning. I'm still adjusting that's not true any more... and it will be a process over the next few months as things are completely different than I initially planned.

Sometimes I look at a baby and realize that is what I would have in my arms if Brody had been able to stick around until full-term. That's tough. I do realize that even though we have to walk out each day (which can be very tough), time does go quickly, and before I know it, time will have passed and I'll be pregnant again and have a different outcome.

Erik did get me a wonderful Christmas present - a beautiful ring that has Brody's birthstone in it. It reminds me of him so much and I love wearing it. I have both of my boys represented on my hands now - Erik on the left and Brody on the right. :-) I guess it's a way for me to show the value of Brody's life and remember it always.

Physically, I'm about 90% there. Emotionally, I overall feel much more like myself, especially thinking back to a month ago.

You know, one difficult thing is the memories of those horrific moments when life changed. I know I'm not the only one who deals with memories. If you've experienced something traumatic, you remember the phone call or the moment that changed your life forever. And it's scary when you think those thoughts because the emotions of those moments can overwhelm you. For me, the way I cope with it is to not dwell on it and put it out of mind as soon as possible. Perhaps journals or writings will come from those feelings in the future. Right now, I might be too close to them.

I think that's all I'll post for now. On a fun note, I made macaroni and cheese soup last night. Mac and cheese has always been one of my favorite dishes and Food Network has a recipe with half the calories - the soup! So I made it and thoroughly enjoyed it. In case you'd like to see it for yourself, here's a link.

Have a wonderful week!