thankful for family fun

We visited family this weekend and ended up eating out at a Chinese buffet last night. The end of it took a little longer than normal because we all ate frozen yogurt in cones. Well, it was Brielle's first time with a cone and she decided that she should eat the frozen yogurt with the sharp end of a skewer! It took forever! Here she is: 

We finally showed her that she could eat the cone itself.... In fact, in order to leave, I had to take away her filled cone and replace it with an empty cone so we could leave without too much fuss! 

Yesterday, I heard Pastor Jim talk about the dangers of bitterness and how thankfulness is the antidote to staying bitter and stuck in the past. Thankfulness is something I try to add to my life often. Today, I am thankful for this season of life. Every season has its ups and downs. Generally, my goal is to focus more on the ups than the downs, and that helps me make it through. I'm thankful today for a fun little girl who eats ice cream with a skewer and won't take a different utensil when offered. 

I'm thankful for my oldest, who was a rainbow baby. He's growing to be such a big boy, caring and thoughtful. We left my mother-in-law's this weekend and he took the time to leave behind a good-bye present for her. So kind!

I'm thankful for my youngest boy, who is so full of creativity. Always keeps me on my toes with what he thinks of next. And I'm thankful for my husband who said, "Yes" to hanging out with me for this lifetime. I'm extra thankful that even though he has had many health problems over the years including anxiety, he wasn't anxious last night and didn't have to leave the restaurant early! Even though he didn't feel the best throughout the day, he was able to stay until the very end and get ice cream with everyone while we watched Brielle take forever eating her own. Yay!

Life isn't easy, but it is well worth it when we have wonderful people by our side... and taking the time to be grateful for them fills my heart.

BTW, this must have been what the boys learned in church this past weekend, for they walked out with bracelets that said (and they keep saying), "Oh give thanks to the Lord!"

He is good and His love does endure forever.

What are you thankful for today?

Brody, Brayden, Jase and.... ???

Thursday, we got to visit Santa early and got this little gem of a photo.

And.... yep! Another baby is on the way! We are super excited and have a wonderful sense of peace and contentment that I know only comes from God. And contrary to what the picture shows, both boys are really excited to become big brothers (again and for the first time).

I kinda think that is one reason that pushed us to having just one more - seeing the boys with their baby cousin made me long for them to have a playmate. Plus, during these past two years, if you ever asked, "Are you going to have any more kids?" I always hemmed and hawed. We were perfectly content with our little family of four, but something never felt finished.

Now we know why. It's the best feeling to know that this feels just perfect. Because yeah, three kids has a whole 'nother level of keeping up with the kiddos attached to it, but I like to think that we're as ready as we'll ever be and with God by our side, all things are possible. Plus, we know that every baby grows into a toddler, kid, and adult and doesn't need quite as much hands-on from us as the parents.

If you know anything about our story, you will also know that one reason we hesitated on another pregnancy is because today marks the six-year anniversary of our firstborn son, Brody Mark. He came at 21 weeks because my body couldn't hold him longer. I had a cerclage put in place for six months of the pregnancy with Brayden and Jase, and this little baby will be no different. That means I'll have weight lifting restrictions starting at the end of this month (okay, my mom is starting them now!) through 36 weeks (May?). I also have to be somewhat cautious on what I do. I did the least with Brayden because I was the most nervous. I did more with Jase and my body did great. I'll probably keep similar activity as I did with Jase, since my body held up well. So if you see me sitting down during praise and worship in church or something like that, I'm just trying to be cautious about my body so it doesn't get overworked.

My kiddos are at an age where they are excited about the baby, able to do much on their own, and great helpers for mommy and baby. I will try to be very good about asking for help when needed and gauging what me and my family need... not easy, but I've learned that asking for help is vital.

Anyhoo, that's my story. Today we think ahead to baby #4 with excitement and we honor and remember our littlest, biggest buddy Brody. You mean the world to us, Kiddo. Hugs and love from me and the fam. We'll have a sweet treat in your honor and celebrate you today.

Thank you for all your kind words and encouragement and support that you have given to my family during all that we have been through and all that we will be through. I know having a little kiddo here next year is worth all the effort.

My boys are 3 and 1!

Happy birthday to my boys! Last Sunday (1/11), they both turned a year older... for Jase, that means 1 and Brayden, 3.

As you can imagine, there's much I could say right now... but for now, I want to show you what I got in the mail. On the right is a picture of Brayden at 1, which I've had for a couple years. He was in the middle of eating his one-year-old birthday cupcake... I love this pic... he's just a-staring at the camera. I thought I might get a similar pic during Jase's one-year cupcake celebration, but didn't, so I printed this one instead (and just got it in the mail!)... one of my favorites of him smiling in the bath! Although they often look alike, I think these pics show their differences.

Now, here's the cool thing... Shutterfly always has fun credits, coupons, and freebies that they send to their email list or have on the Facebook page. I definitely recommend signing up for their email and following them on Facebook to see what they are offering. (By the way, if they do offer you a free gift, you cover shipping, which usually isn't too bad compared to what you are getting!)... I often take them up on it, partially because it's a great way to make sure I actually take the time print pictures and/or make photo gifts. I use them a whole lot around Christmas. 

These pics I have pictured are "desktop plaques" and I've actually given them for gifts as well as purchased these two and I love them! They are frameless... just the picture with a nice shiny finish. I would highly recommend them! Great gifts and great to have around the house. 

Anyhoo... hopefully I'll take the chance soon to share more stories about the boys. Until then... go make memories yourself. Life is beautiful, crazy, and definitely worth living... and yes, it's all with God at the center, as best as possible. :-)

happy birthday to my littlest!

Happy birthday, Brody!

You're my oldest, yet my littlest... but I am pretty sure, you're only little in my memory. You're much bigger, I imagine. Maybe you're already an adult in heaven or maybe you're growing up in heaven and today you're celebrating your four-year-old birthday! I don't know, but I like imagining what life is like for you up there as we remember meeting you four years ago.

I have been looking forward to today with excitement because it's a chance to celebrate and remember you all day long. Then last night, I got choked up remembering, which I knew would happen,... and I think all that is healthy. You're my baby and I love remembering you, but I do wish you were here... but then I know that Brayden may not be here due to logistics if you were here... so crazy how that works out. God has helped us remain content with loving you up in heaven and providing two new brothers down here on earth. I'm content that you're mine and Erik's, no matter what.

I have a box of your things and a box of cards people sent to us when you went home with Jesus. I wanted to share some of that with these people who are reading about you....

First, you were only a little less than a pound and a little less than a foot when you were born at 21 weeks. Your card and your footprints are below. You were perfectly formed and have everything right about you. You lived outside of me for a little less than an hour. You were perfectly formed and it was amazing to see that you were a perfect human being, every part in place, just tinier than everyone else.

Here is your bib that my cousin, Summer, made for you. I love it because it's personalized. That is your hat from the hospital, which fit your head perfectly. You had a little knit wrap to match. A big thank you to the people who made and donated those clothes to the hospital.

One of the biggest lessons you showed me and I will share again and again to the world is that you were fully formed and a beautiful baby at such a young age. You were just a few weeks shy of when that hospital would put you in the NICU. Although I sometimes have mixed feelings about being so close to having you survive, it's okay now. You're in an amazing place with Jesus and God has blessed us abundantly with your brothers. ... and I'm SUPER excited to be reunited with you and have your brothers meet you!

So today, we remember and celebrate your beautiful life. You've taught us so much and we've learned about trusting God through everything... and are still working on it quite a lot.

Love you so much and I am so excited to meet you, see who you look like, get to know your personality, and spend eternity worshipping Jesus with you! Happy birthday!

P.S. I can't believe it is four years already!

Love, Mommy
:-)

the boys in action (photo overload!)

 So I haven't yet given in to getting a "smart phone." As a result, my phone doesn't have as much memory and the photos can be fuzzy... so here are some quick snaps of the boys in action taken on my phone! Great place to "dump" them and make room for more! :-)

helping make cupcakes for Grandpa's birthday 

rainy day fun

more rainy day fun

love!

Lots of people ask how I get work done with the kiddos... here's a glimpse of one of the ways! Kids on the lap, computer nearby!

Here's what happens during a grocery story trip when you give your toddler a piece of chocolate to amuse him (this is at the end of the trip!)

zonked out

Jase is super smiley at 4 months! And chubby. Love the chub.

I love this... B loves holding things wherever he goes, even when he can't fit them in his lap! Here's his latest picks for going on a walk. He occasionally throws the basketball and wants me to pick it up and "hide" it in the back of the stroller. Super funny.

The boys (and my feet) just hanging out... not sure what B is thinking....

Sidewalk chalk in action! (mostly pictures of cars!)

This will hopefully have many pictures to follow of the boys in action wearing their matching superhero pajamas! This is them hugging!



That's all for now!

life is beautiful

If I'm honest, life is pretty "go-go-go" right now... so I was pretty excited that tonight, according to my plan, the boys would be tired enough to go to bed by 7 p.m. I'd have a whole night to myself (Erik is visiting his parents). Did you catch that? A whole night to myself!

But then, I'm not sure what happened or why, but Jase would not go to sleep, no matter what I tried... and I did try! He was mostly sleeping at least three times within an hour, but then I'd lay him down and he'd cry or he'd move and cry and wake again. At that point, I was worn out and a bit bummed that my time with sleeping children was slowly disappearing. 

Instead of moping, I followed this picture I had in my head (which I attribute to the Holy Spirit's prompting) and moved my favorite glider from Brayden's room (who was thankfully sleeping) and placed it smack dab in the middle of our upstairs. I brought my computer, water bottle, cell phone, and baby boppy pillow to the floor surrounding the chair. Then I went and got Jase, settled him down for the long haul in my arms, and put my computer on my knees so I could get some work done. I put piano music on in the background, and just held him until he was clearly sleeping and wouldn't wake up. 

You know what? That hour of frustration that almost brought me to tears turned into a beautiful new hour of admiring Jase, soaking in mommy/son time, and getting my computer work done that I had initially planned to do after the boys were sleeping. 

And in that moment, I knew, life is beautiful. It has ups; it has downs. It has rain; it has sun. It has thunderstorms and it has beach days. It is a beautiful "circle of life" (pardon the Disney reference!).

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 

This is obviously beautiful: 

In a completely different way, this is just as beautiful:

I don't always love what life brings my way, but I do love the beauty I find in life.

my three sons

Last summer, we knew it could be a possibility. Brayden's due date was 1-23-12 and baby #3 was due 1-20-14. It was clear that they could share a birthday.

To have it become a reality six months later is definitely surreal, especially since I went into Brayden's birthday feeling no sign of a baby being born that day. My dad even supplied a countdown for me - early afternoon he said, "You have about ten hours to have two born on 1/11" ... to which I shrugged and said, "No, it won't happen today." ... and then when he was driving Erik and I to the hospital he declared, "Well, you have about five hours to have a double birthday" ... to which I replied (while I was in labor), "Nah, I don't think this will happen until after midnight." 

Boy, was I wrong. 

:-) 

Jase William Wegener gave the first hint of appearing on his brother Brayden's birthday at 5 p.m. Everyone had been sleeping, which I then took advantage of as I realized my contractions were close together. I quietly finished pulling things together for our overnight bag... and got my makeup on, of course! Last time I forgot my makeup bag in the car, and for some reason, I was set to make sure I had makeup for pictures. Kinda funny, huh? 

By six o'clock, I knew contractions were becoming serious (aka painful!), so I let my mom know plans had changed and they wouldn't be joining the three of us for ice cream for Brayden's birthday... instead, I hoped they could give him a mini celebration that I had planned on. Then I called the doctor, woke up Erik and Brayden, and we headed out. 

To make a long story short, we arrived at the hospital probably between 6:45 and 7 p.m. and Jase William Wegener was born at 8:47 p.m. Yes, it was as surreal and crazy as it sounded; thankfully, as I look back, I see God's peace was in that room, despite the quick decisions the doctors were making to help baby and me stay safe and healthy. Yes, I was one of those people whose labor went too fast for an epidural (kinda never thought I would be!), but I was very grateful that they could switch and give me a different pain med that worked faster and lasted for an hour and a half to two hours.

We are grateful to God for a healthy baby and healthy mom, because we had lots of questionable things happen that could have created much bigger problems. The nurses saw right away when I checked into the hospital that baby had pooped in the amniotic fluid, which could be a sign of the baby being in distress and potentially the cord being wrapped around his/her neck or limb or somewhere (which ended up not being the case). Then I had trouble pushing the baby out, which we later found out was because Jase was such a big baby! He ended up needing to be vacuumed out for his health and mine. Scary in the moment... and also a little later that week as we learned the bruise from the vacuum created extra chance for jaundice for Jase as it broke down and healed. My milk came in a little later than normal because it was a fast delivery, which meant Jase became a little dehydrated as he waited for the milk to come in... all that to say, everyone's prayers came together to cover us through a bit of a crazy delivery and our recovery. Jase is not jaundiced and him and I are both recovering well!

Jase was a huge baby - definitely not the biggest I know of, but big enough! My doctor and nurses all exclaimed at how big he was when he came out...big hands, long toes, big head, thick chest! My doc had actually guessed a 7 lb. baby earlier in the night. When he was born, she said, "You hid the baby's weight well." Jase clocked in at 9 lbs. 10 ounces, 22 inches long and a 14.5 inch head. Yikes! :-) I say I got payback since I was a 9 lb. 12 ounce baby. (Sorry, Mom!)

It's funny looking back because once the baby was safely delivered, Erik and I just broke down in tears of joy and relief... so much so that there wasn't the "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" exclamation I was kinda expecting in my head as the way it would happen. Instead, they placed the baby on my chest, and one of the nurses who was looking right at him (and had been excited we didn't know what we were having) finally said, "Well, can I say what it is?!" And then I was like, oh yeah, we have no idea and really didn't care at the moment because (s)he was safe and healthy! Then I answered her, "Yeah!" She said, "It's a boy!"

It was definitely worth that moment in time finding out what it was. It was perfect, and nothing like I had planned in my head as I pictured that moment of finding out what we were having. And yes, not knowing did help me make it through labor!

Then Erik and I both realized, Brayden just received a wonderful birthday present... a baby brother.

I've always pictured myself with little boys, so I'm kinda thrilled about it, although I know the joys of having a girl would be fantastic as well. And Erik kinda wanted Brayden to have a brother, since he had always wanted a brother himself. Erik has a sister and I have a brother, so to have two kids (make that three including Brody!) the same gender is kinda fun.

Brayden met him the next day and overall loved looking at him. He occasionally gets upset when he has to share his grandmas with Jase, but he's learning it's okay to share. Now at home, he wants to hold Jase quite a lot, and he loves it. He laughs and giggles and is proud and shows him off. Hopefully pictures or video to come of the two of them. I'm proud of Brayden. He'll be a great big brother, and I'm super excited to watch them grow up together!

Now, it's a week later, and I kinda still can't believe the flurry of life that has happened. We're slowly but surely getting on a routine, and have had an amazing amount of support and help from our family and friends. (THANK YOU!) I know we'll need the support a little longer because the newborn stage is a little overwhelming, but now I have a much clearer picture of what comes after the newborn stage, and that makes it all a little more exciting. We know how much joy is to come in watching Jase grow up.

Coming home with baby Jase!

Like I said, pictures of B and J will soon be coming! Thank you again for all your prayers and thoughts and congratulations for our family. Most of all, thank you, Lord, for your blessing of another child! We are very, very grateful and honored. With love, the Wegeners.

preterm labor, a praise report, and prayer request

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! There's something special to me about the day where you just get to be together with family and enjoy a nice big meal. :-) And then be all stuffed together and lay around the house... lol!

Our Thanksgiving was nice. I received doctor's permission to travel a couple hours to see Erik's family, and it was great to see them. What wasn't so great was the night after. I woke up around 1 p.m. and had a lot more contractions than normal. I was trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it for the next few hours. I was able to fall asleep for another hour before waking up again. At that point, I was concerned enough to contact the doctor and figure out what was causing these consistent contractions.

I called my doc and since I was out of town, she set it up for me to head into the nearest hospital where they had a maternity ward and could monitor me. Sure enough, I had contractions (probably 5 minutes or so apart? I don't even remember... it was too many!) and not necessarily a reason for them. I got some meds to calm them down and that helped. Then they measured my cervix to see if I was near delivery or far away, so they could know their next plan of action - and yes, part of that plan of action would be to transport me to the cities to deliver that day if needed! So glad that didn't happen, yikes!

Here's where the praise report is: it turns out that my cervix is long and strong and my cerclage (stitch) is holding as it needs to. In fact, a lot of women with normal pregnancies at this stage in the game would potentially have a shorter cervix than me just based on the natural progression of pregnancy!

I thought about it after the fact and realized that since my surgery I've been stating, "I have a strong cervix and a strong cerclage." And sure enough, it's true! Thank you, Lord. I still stand on that truth, even as I've had contractions throughout the day, as I want to have a healthy baby come in January or at the earliest, late December.

The tricky part is my pregnancy now no longer fits the "norm" so I need God's wisdom in knowing how to respond to what my body tells me (contractions, etc.) and knowing if or when it would be important to get doctor's help. So, yes, I will keep laying low over this next month, especially as I figure out what my body is doing.

Now, as if this wasn't enough to deal with, we have finally come to a crossing point with Erik's health issues. Some of you may know that he's been dealing with a lot of different things health-wise for the past 6-7 years. We've dealt with it in different ways - from the ablation/heart surgery that was successful in 2010 to specialist doctors to chiropractor visits to a visit at Mayo Clinic this past September. It's been exhausting and hard to know which path to follow; all we knew to do was keep praying and follow what seemed best at the time, trusting that the Lord was behind the directions and thoughts we were having.

All of that, though, still didn't seem to fully address the issue. Erik's symptoms continued and even worsened. A lot has happened in the past three months--including a few hospital visits and an irregular heartbeat, which Erik hasn't experienced for three years--and Erik has really faced his most difficult health situations. It's been no fun watching him go through this. :(

The good news is, we've found the answer that we are hoping and praying will be the final push to getting Erik healthy. A recommendation from a family member brought us to a doctor near Erik's home town that confidently diagnosed what he is dealing with as multiple types of Lyme's disease. The doctor has a plan to get Erik healthy again, which is amazing! (and I really think this is the first time we've had such a confident answer and plan - I'm very grateful!)

Right now, because of the condition his body is in, he has had to stop working.  (A huge shout out to his company for letting him go on medical leave! They have been a huge blessing to us through this.) The heart concerns, shortness of breath, and dizziness he has been experiencing was interfering with his ability to work. (He didn't even go hunting this year!) He has been on tonics from the doctor during this time period, and we are believing that they will address the bacterial issues he is facing and ultimately help address the heart issues and other symptoms he has experienced for years.

The doctor said that Erik should be feeling somewhat better by Christmas and within six months he'll be feeling better than he has in years. I'm hopeful that this is the end of this health journey so Erik can finally feel better again and be back to himself!

I know we have a journey between now and then. If you think of us, could you please say a prayer for grace and strength for each one of us physically, mentally, and spiritually, as we walk through this next month, in particular, and then beyond as Erik's health continues to strengthen? Thanks.

That would be amazing.

And you know what? You'll probably see us much more often around once we get through this final push to health victory! Praise God. He will get the glory through all this and the devil will pay!

happiest third birthday to my firstborn!

Today, I'm thinking of my little mister, Brody Mark Wegener. He was born 11-20-10, weighed a little less than a pound, was a little less than a foot long, and lived for a little less than an hour. He was such a trooper because he stayed in my tummy with minimal amniotic fluid for over five days. He's a fighter!

We had a beautiful funeral for him about a month after he was born; it was long enough after so I had enough time to physically recover and our family could be together. It brought nice closure to a short life that had such an impact on me and my family and who knows who else.

Sometimes I forget how much it hurts to have lost a family member... and yes, I highly dislike that I lost two of them within a little over a year (my brother and my son). Each of their legacies live on in unique ways... and every once in a while, it's good to sit down and just have a good cry that they aren't there any more and that you just miss them and want them back.

I can't explain the odd feelings I have that Brayden, although he thinks he's the oldest kid and certainly acts like the only kid because he is the only kid we're taking care of, my heart knows he's my middle child. It's so strange because it's this intangible feeling that he's not my oldest. Brody is. Like I mentioned when I said we were pregnant with our third, I am reminding myself that Brayden has no understanding about him not really being the oldest or the only kid, so his behavior will be oldest/only kid. But he will most definitely grow up knowing about his big brother in heaven.

I'm really grateful for this odd feeling though... this constant, subconscious remembrance of Brody. My guess is a lot of parents, including my own, feel that same way if they lose a child. No one else may know or everyone might know that you've lost someone, but you know, and that knowing is something you hold dear to you. They are forever a part of your heart and life.

Thanks to his grandma, Brayden has a few different books (he loves books!) on becoming a big brother and I think he has a pretty good 22-month-old grasp on the subject. I really think he'll do great once the next little miss or mister comes along in January.

Erik and I have had occasional questions from people - and we've asked ourselves these questions as well - will this be our last kid? And that's a fabulous question. I really like the idea of three kids, but I'm not sure how that will look in the future. Going through another pregnancy with light activity is rather intimidating, but the reward is great... Then we have always talked about adoption. I have no idea what the future holds, but I really like the fact that it doesn't matter what the future holds, I already have three kids. One just happens to be extremely easy to take care of... although, Brody, just so you know, I wish I were the one planning your birthday party. I do know you're in good hands.

All my love, Daddy's love, Brayden's love, and baby's love... happy birthday, Brody Mark Wegener! We love you and miss you dearly and are super excited to be reunited in heaven with you soon!

pregnancy update

Hi there!

As you can see, I wasn't joking. There is officially a baby in my tummy! Crazy! :-) S/he is kicking and rolling around and making his/her presence known... and yes, I am super excited we don't know what we are having! Something about not knowing until we meet the little kid makes me so happy. Yay!

25 weeks

This pregnancy is going the best out of all of them. I'm farther along than previously with no scares or concerns. This tells me two things: I have a better idea of what I can and can't do and I'm not as nervous this time around. I know in the back of my head that I did it before and I can do it again. I also have a much better picture of the end result. That propels me forward.

Don't get me wrong. This is still hard. It takes a crazy amount of guts and strength to do this again and both Erik and I have been like, Ahhhh, why are we putting ourselves through this again! Thankfully, though, this time, we remember and are still creating moments with Brayden that tucks the six months of limited activity and bedrest during his pregnancy in the far corners of our minds where they are almost unreachable. We know the same will eventually happen with number next.

During Bray's pregnancy, I had a week where I was doing limited amounts of things each day, but I did something out of the house every day. That created a minor scare that made me buckle down on bedrest so Brayden wouldn't come too early. This time, I am not repeating that. Although I have let myself go out of the house a couple times each week (with my doc's approval), I make sure I spend the next few days down doing nothing and when I'm out, I'm purposefully not walking long distances. And if my body tells me to rest or drink water or not stress or whatever, I try to comply. So the plan is that you will see me out and about to a limited degree until January when number next makes an appearance!

I have to give a shout out to all who have helped us and continue to help us! We have been extraordinarily blessed with family and friends who step up to the plate when we need help, and for that I am extremely grateful. And if you haven't yet helped but want to, you are probably on my list of people to call if I need anything--and trust me, having that list and knowing I can call you is a blessing I can't explain!

Bray and Erik have been troopers through all this. Erik is the lucky one because he gets to put Bray to bed every night and I think they have a male bonding thing going on now! I do my best to play with Bray on the floor or have him snuggle next to me and watch VeggieTales or have him crawl into his highchair and color with me. Creativity is key when your activity is limited!

One of his latest toys is the address label stickers that come from various companies in our junk mail. He loves sticking them on the sofa, on his shirt, on the chair, and then moving them some place else. I love watching his mind at work as he decided what he wants to do!

Well, that's about all for now. Thanks for your prayers. Number next will be here in 3-3.5 months! Yippee!

Brayden update - 19.5 months

Wow. I thought I'd be blogging a lot more, like I did last time during my pregnancy, but this is a completely different season of life! This time I have a little munchkin around who would love to watch VeggieTales on my computer any time he sees me on it! That means my time on the computer is limited... and when I do have it open, I am working!

Yesterday was my birthday and it was filled with special memories including Brayden taking his nap next to me on the couch.

Awwwww! Love it! And I think that's graham cracker or peanut butter on his cheek...

Then I saw this pic on my phone from just a few months after he was born.

He's changed a lot, yet he still has his look... similar pics yet different, you know? You probably know that from your family and maybe even your own pictures how much looks changes... and yet still stay the same over time!

We also made fun birthday memories earlier this week at Red Robin. Erik and I share the same birthday month so we both get free burgers when we eat at Red Robin. It's one of my favorite meals that I walk out feeling extra full from... awesome burger, unlimited fries, onion rings, and freckled (strawberry) lemonade. Oh, and a birthday sundae, if you dare to leave room for that.

I asked for a Red Robin balloon for Brayden on the way out. Brayden was pretty intrigued by it until the RR employee put it on his wrist (so he wouldn't lose it). He started to cry! Very upset, although we couldn't figure out why. I held it until we got in the car. Once he was in his carseat, I passed it back to him, and then he realized the wonders of this thing called a balloon... you can bat it, shake it, play with it... he loved it then! Erik held onto it with Brayden while we walked indoors so we didn't have a lose-your-balloon-to-the-sky episode. Then Brayden walked around proudly with it inside. He was upset when it floated to the ceiling a few times, but Erik rescued it.

Brayden was pretty stumped in the morning though when the balloon was no longer in the air and would not float above him, but only dragged on the floor behind him. Once he got over the intrigue of the situation, he walked around with it proudly trailing behind him.

Love that boy. So much fun to watch him discover things!

He doesn't like when he doesn't get things he wants...

He also has a new squinty-eyed smile that is adorable...

All for now! Have a great Labor Day weekend!

P.s. I'm just a couple days away from halfway through this pregnancy. All is going well. Doc appointment this week to take a peek at baby, although we're going to keep the surprise of boy/girl until January. Excited!

parenting, the speed of time, and Cheaper by the Dozen 2

Yes, I just teared up watching Cheaper by the Dozen 2... and yes, I decided I may keep it around on our DVR for the next six months just in case I need to be reminded of what's coming in January. (The oldest daughter has her baby boy at the end!)

It made me tear up for a lot of different reasons, probably mainly the pregnancy hormones... but I really like the picture of a family it presents. You can't over-parent or your kid will go bonkers, but you love and cherish every moment and let go as they grow older. And I know Brayden is only 1 1/2, but I know how quickly 1 1/2 came... and how time continues to tick by. I just want to enjoy the moments and love my family with everything I have.

I also love that two mom-and-dad homes are prominent in the movie, one of which the marriage has lasted probably 20-30 years and they are still in love with each other. The morals, although still "American," are so much better than what is presented in today's movies. It makes me think it's almost "classic." I know... a movie from ten years ago, classic? Definitely not in the sense of 1950's classic, but there's something about the family morals and values presented that I desperately wish was still presented in media today. A mom and dad... kids who are just kids... humor that isn't bathroom humor or crass... just good, old-fashioned entertainment.

Anyhoo, this wasn't meant to be a post all about media. I'm pondering this whole time-going-by and parenting thing as I watch Brayden get to know our nanny who is helping out while I can't lift him. He already loves her and has developed a relationship with her, and it's a little weird to watch. I can say (as many mommy t-shirts probably say), I will always be his first love. We share a bond that no one else can have... and he will develop different "bonds" with different people.

It makes me think back to the special place in my heart that all the kids I babysat I have... particular the neighborhood families I took care of. I still love those children like they were my own. It makes me realize it's okay to share Brayden.

Now, it might sound silly to write all this down, but as a blogger, I "tip my hand" a little just in case sharing what I feel helps someone else.

I get to share Brayden a lot during this time of bedrest... and some days that's hard, some days that isn't. Brayden has plenty of love and smiles to go around, so I always know I can have special time with him, even if I can't carry him upstairs or lift him into his crib or car seat. I will get to do all that again in six months. Yes, he will be older and it stinks that I'm missing out on putting him to bed for so long, but that has to be okay. I'm learning to enjoy this time with him in a different way.

I think I'm sitting back and watching him more.... He's grown so much in the past month... he's learning life like crazy. I just look at him and think, "He's not a baby any more. He's a little boy!"

I'm looking forward to the future. As I watched the movie tonight, I just thought, I love my family... all six of us... Erik, me, Brody, Brayden, Tucker, and baby number next.

This is exactly the place I want to be.

number three is on the way!

It's crazy to believe I'm in the middle of my third pregnancy! Baby number three is coming January 20, 2014. Yippeee!!! We are absolutely thrilled.

For those of you who don't know, we only have one baby here on earth (Brayden), but we have one (our first) hanging out in heaven (Brody) So by the natural eye, it's baby number two, but really, it's baby number three. And when I still look at Brayden, he's not my oldest. He's my middle child. :-) I like feeling that because that means Brody hasn't left my heart, but will always be a part of the family. I do have to sometimes remember, though, that for all Brayden knows and acts like right now, he is an only child! We've told him about Brody and baby 3, but that doesn't change that he's used to all the attention!

It's kinda fun... Brayden was due on January 23 and Baby 3 is due January 20. That means they'll be pretty much exactly two years apart. Brayden came on January 11... we'll see when Baby 3 makes his/her appearance. Could be the exact same day! Wouldn't that be crazy! 

This time around, I think we are going to wait to find out if we're having a boy or girl. We desperately wanted a boy as our oldest, and we got doubly blessed with our two boys... but as to another boy or girl, I don't know that we have a preference, so why not wait for the surprise? Fun! 

Now, because of what happened with Brody (you can read that story here), the day after the 4th, I had the same procedure (cerclage) done I did with Brayden. Basically, baby got stitched in to help him/her stay put until January. That means I will be on "light activity/bedrest" through January. Why? The reason Brody came early was the pressure he put on my cervix and my cervix couldn't handle it. The stitch helps, but the less pressure I put on it with activity (and the growing baby) the better for keeping baby safe and snug inside. 

Last time we weren't one hundred percent sure I'd need the surgery, so it snuck up on us and we also had a lot of bad memories associated with pregnancy ending badly. This time, we were prepared in advance for knowing I'd be out of commission for doing much plus we have a picture of the reward we will have in our arms when this journey is through! We also hired a nanny who will help with Brayden throughout the week, and Erik and my family and friends will all be pitching in to help cover other times. (I can't lift Brayden at all... bummer!) I've also been able to mentally prepared with making the most of my pre-surgery time. All of this is verrrry good, even though a little intimidating to have six months of low activity staring you in the face! 

There's a good chance I'll be blogging more since I'll be hanging out on the sofa much, so you'll probably be hearing from me more often as I journey through this... and then once baby comes, I probably won't be on here as much! Funny how that works....

Now a side note... I've had a few questions (and have asked them myself) about if I would have to go through bedrest again... and I've thought, "Couldn't I pray and believe God for healing and a different path this time?" Yes, I certainly could, but a couple factors play into our decision to go ahead with the same path as last time. First, I would have to beg and plead and have an extremely good reason to decline surgery for my doctor to approve it... and I still don't think she would! She wants us to have a healthy baby too! The cerclage helps make that possible. Second, I know that prayers for healing need to have faith behind it... and not that I couldn't have faith, but as a hormonal, pregnant mom who has lost her first son through pregnancy just by being pregnant and living life... it's not a "faith battle" that I want to fight on a daily basis. I'd rather have the proactive safety of my doctor's help through surgery and laying low. And I'm okay with that!

So there's my story! Another chapter is being written, and we are excited for the future.

an ode to mommyhood

You know you're a mom when...

-you put your child down early to nap/bed just so you can have a few minutes alone
-you decide to run an errand just so your child can stay in one place for a few minutes while you drive
-you forget how long it's been since you washed your hair--but you've probably set a new record (don't ask!)
-you think, "My kid is taking a beautiful, quiet nap" and then you realize you just forgot to turn on the monitor
-you eat lunch while you and your child are sitting peacefully in a parked car
-you get very excited when you realize one of the books you've been reading for months to your baby has some pages that stuck together... new material you haven't yet seen!
-you realize that Ritz crackers are an excellent time saver for a screaming, hungry baby and an almost cooked dinner
-you do much of life with one arm... because the baby is in the other one


Other random thoughts...
-The best $100 I spent on baby materials was on cloth diapers. I've had some ups and downs with them, but overall, I'm very happy with the investment!
-The best mommy trick I know (at this time) is when your baby has a runny nose, take them to the sink, get your hand wet and wipe the snot away from outside and inside the nose. Keeps the snot away a little longer. Pleasant, huh?

That's all for now... I'm sure more mommy posts will come in the future!


**This post is in honor of a few people who recently had miscarriages early on in their pregnancies. I hate hearing about miscarriages, and I wish all babies could stay here on earth with us. I've also come to learn that there is a special honor in knowing you have a baby safely tucked away in heaven. It puts life in a different perspective. I guarantee that angel babies have a much greater impact on earth than you might imagine given they only stayed a few weeks or a few months in the womb. Special blessings, hugs, peace, and love to all families with angel babies, recent or not.

nine and a half months

I love watching Brayden learn about this world. He's in this exploration stage where everything is just fascinating to him. The light goes on? Wow. The light goes off? Wow. He can push the light switch with his chubby hand (with help)? Do it again!

Just last night, Erik installed the cupboard locks because Brayden has spent time exploring the cupboards. This morning was funny watching him try to open the cupboard door as he usually did, but it would only go so far. He was like, What happened? It's not supposed to be this way!

I'm starting to gather stories on a regular basis of him problem solving life... like the bananas that he couldn't get off his high chair tray. I put them on a lid, in case that would help him be able to pick up the bananas--and it did, but not in the way I expected. He lifted the whole lid to his mouth and sucked the banana off. Love it!

We've already taken way more digital pictures that you'd ever dream of taking on film. My most recent "task" at home is going back and deleting blurry pictures or those videos you took when you didn't realize the video was on instead of the camera. I have to make room and then we'll save the good pics on CDs or something for the future! Yay!

I'm sure there's plenty more I could say... just a little update for now! I am grateful to God for my wonderful family! :-) 

our growing boy

It's so much fun to watch Brayden grow and learn this lovely thing called life. He's figuring out so much stuff every day and as everyone knows they grow so much in their first year! :-)

A few of his latest milestones....

1. He rolls every which way! He's well on his way to crawling and/or walking... whichever he decides to do first! He actually gets on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth. You can tell he's like, I know what to do, but can't quite do it all the way! I love watching him roll around and the determination he gets in his eyes when he sees something he wants. He will first reach and see how far his arms go. If he determines he can't get it with his arms and fingers (I love the fingers that go back and forth trying to pull something toward him), his head will swing into motion to get him to roll closer to the object or sometimes his feet. Pretty funny! Love watching him think through life.

2. He jabbers. I could have sworn one of the sounds he made recently mimicked "Mom." :-) He jabbers the most when he's tired. It's adorable. It's starting to sound like he's making sense in his own head and trying to tell us something specific - I'm sure he is! I love it!

3. He can put himself to sleep. This one is a process and doesn't always happen, but over the past week he's done amazing at putting himself to sleep. I'm grateful because I don't get mentally or physically exhausted holding him making sure he's sleeping before I do other things. I can give him his quiet time in his room and eventually he'll fall asleep. I know we'll probably have more sleeping streaks in the future of his sleeping/not sleeping/needing us to put him to sleep, etc. but I'm grateful this milestone has been reached.

4. He's six months old! Always seems like a big deal when they get through half a year, huh?

5. He eats solid food. I love my baby food processor (thanks to some of my family members who got it for me!) ... I use it to make pureed veggies for him. Then I have the dishes where I can freeze little portions for later. Love the ease of it. And Brayden loves eating... when the food is cold or its a new flavor, he always gets a super funny look on his face after the first  bite. He's already wanting to hold the spoon on his own.

That's a quick baby update that I'm journaling mainly for me, but in case you're interested, there you go! :)

Oh and we took his six month pictures already and I'm sure I'll post some when I get them... but here's a preview.

this stage is beautiful

Every stage of life has beauty. For me, part of the beauty is here:

We put him in this a little early and he loves it. You can almost tell he's thinking... this is how I walk, right?

As I grew up, I thought the best stages of life were when you learned how to drive... then turn 18... then 21... then 25... get married... have a baby. Now I realize that every stage has beauty.

For Brayden, the "stages" are coming super fast! But instead of dwelling on how fast time goes, I'm enjoying life as it comes.

That's all for now. The boys and I are going for a walk. :-)

remembering brody

Ever since Brayden was born, I've been thinking a lot about my first son, Brody. For those of you who don't know, he was born on November 21, 2010 at 21 weeks along in my pregnancy. He was a beautiful one pound, one foot boy - absolutely perfect - who lived an hour before going to meet Jesus. (He's lucky - he's in heaven!!!)

I don't know if I ever thought about how I'd respond to having Brayden after Brody didn't make it, but it's been an interesting ride. During my pregnancy, I had to pinch myself that the baby in me was a completely different baby than the first time. After I met Brayden, I actually missed Brody the most I've ever missed him because I saw what I missed the first time.

So yes, I've thought about Brody a ton and miss him dearly as I wonder what Brody would have looked like and how life would have been with him around or even more so, both Brayden and Brody - I would love, love, love to have both boys on earth right now.

The crazy thing is that if I had Brody in my arms right now, Brayden wouldn't exist, and now I wouldn't trade Brayden for the world, especially since I know Brody is better than all of us in heaven.

That makes my mind go tilt.

What makes it tilt even more is that my grandma miscarried between my dad's older sister and him. Again, the timing works out that if that baby had stayed on this earth, my dad wouldn't have existed, which means I wouldn't exist either.

Strange!

This is where I just say, God is amazing, and rely on His goodness and purposeful plan because I don't get what happened, but I know He's working everything -- bad, good, and in between -- out for His purposes.

By the way, if you read all that and got confused about which baby is Brody and which is Brayden, that's okay. I think I've said it before... Brody Mark is named in honor of my brother, Brian Mark, who passed away in October 2010. Brayden Allen is named in honor of both of them. :-) It's a wonderful way that I can remember all three of them and let their memory live on in a unique way on this earth. And I fully don't mind at all if anyone gets the names mixed up.

Also, thank you to all of my friends who remember Brody and talk about him in certain conversations. That means the world to me that you remember him.

One last thought - when asked the question about Brayden, "Is this your first?" I switch up my answer all the time, depending on the person and situation. Sometimes, I take the easy way out and say, "Yes," and other times, I say, "My first full-term" or something along those lines. Having a baby in heaven is interesting because we are family of four, but you can only see three people on earth. So I'll probably keep switching up my answer, but Brody, you always will be my firstborn and in my heart. I'm super excited to tell Brayden about you.

Okay, one final, final last thought. The best day of my life after the day I met Jesus and my wedding day, was probably the day I took Brayden home. I might have been one of the few mothers you see walking out of the birthing center crying while taking home their newborn. Given our previous situation, that day was the best, most surreal day in my life.

mommy update!

Hello!

Brayden was ten weeks yesterday. I love him very much, and it's so fun to enjoy each day and the new things each day brings. Lately we've been watching Brayden as his neck strengthens and he can hold his head better and better. He's our "big, strong boy"!

So here are a just a few of the lessons I've learned in motherhood....

1. I love cloth diapers! Erik and I talked about the possibilities last fall, and decided to go with them, especially since I knew two mom-friends of mine who used them and liked them. I think probably the biggest reason we decided to go for it is because we prefer spending cash up front then over a longer period of time. Meaning we'd rather spend money up front for diapers (and along the way hidden in our utility bills for washing) then to keep doling out $20 here and $20 there for diapers when needed. There's probably a debate on which are better, but I have noticed a lot of people using them, and I am happy to be one of them!

In case you're curious, I wound up going with Sunbaby diapers (sunbabydiapers.com). I didn't do a lot of research on brands. I knew someone who used them and liked them and found a few good comments on the quality and the price was right. Right now with him nursing, I just toss dirty diapers into a pail in the laundry room and when it's full, I separate the inside layer from the outside and rinse them on a cold rinse, do a hot/cold cycle with special detergent for cloth diapers (no additives or something like that - I found a list of what works/what doesn't online), and then tumble dry low. Easy, especially since I'm home throughout the day.


2. I love kissing chubby cheeks!

:-)

3. Motherhood is exhausting! When he's fussy, it can be exhausting as your mind is racing trying to figure out what is wrong - and it's especially exhausting when you go through all the regular options and he's still upset. Overall, though, Brayden is an amazing baby with a great temperament. I have learned that when I eat dairy and chocolate and perhaps onions that he'll be extra gassy. So my goal over the past month has been to avoid those things... and it's been hard! Have you ever realized how often cheese is used as a "go-to" food item? Well, at least it is for me. It's pretty funny how I blank on what foods are dairy product. I ate a vanilla blizzard from DQ and was proud for not eating chocolate, and then Erik was like, "Uhh, that's dairy. Aren't you avoiding that?" I was like, "Oh yeah!" Same thing happened with sour cream - I had a baked potato and figured I'd use sour cream to kinda "replace" the cheese and then my mom pointed out that was dairy. Whoops!

All that to say, it's an adventure to keep my eating as dairy-free as possible so I can help keep Brayden's gassiness to a minimum.

4. Motherhood is wonderful. I still can't quite comprehend that I have a wonderful son and he has likes and dislikes and a plan of God on his life. I love figuring it out, watching him grow, and having a little buddy to hang out with me every day.

Have a blessed day!

thank you

My brain seems to be on overdrive.

Balancing motherhood, wifeyhood, and Christianhood is a monumental task! So many things run through my brain everyday - some of which I ignore until I can handle them better and others of which I have to keep remembering until I do it.

Today I just want to thank so many of you over and over for what you've done for me and my family. You have supported us by doing any one or more of these things:

a. blessing us with gifts for Brayden
b. letting us borrow things for Brayden
c. passing on baby things you don't need anymore
d. sending cards to say congratulations
e. blessing us monetarily
f. bringing us meals
g. running errands for us
h. watching Brayden while I run errands or work around the house
i. listen to me process, vent, talk
j. making sure I take time for myself
k. making sure Erik takes time for himself

That list might cover it. Then again, there's probably a ton more - including all your prayers. You've done so much for us that I honestly don't know how best to say thank you. As Brayden uses and wears and plays with the things you've passed on, I want to tell you again how blessed we are. As the money you've given multiplies in the bank or gets spent on a needed item, I want to tell you thanks and how awesome it is. As I look at how cute something is that you've given me (for example, the monkey changing pad cover on the left - I love it!), I often want to tell you again I'm thankful.

You'd probably get annoyed with how much I would tell you I'm grateful, blessed, and honored that you'd think of us and help take care of us during this time.

Family, friends, acquaintances... really just loving kind people... are what make this world a better, easier, more blessed place to live in.

So thanks. I'm grateful for you.