becoming a team

Every once in a while, I get very frustrated with people in the body of Christ. Someone leaves me out or ignores me or forgets about me. Most likely, they aren't doing it on purpose. They are probably very busy and simply missed calling me or just plain forgot I existed--not out of malice, but out of busyness.

From my perspective, though, I don't know their intent, and thanks to our stupid enemy, the devil, I keep thinking they must not like me. I can literally feel the enemy working on my brain, giving me reasons to dislike that person or ignore them right back or never talk to them again.

**Disclaimer: if you think this post is about you, for some reason, it probably isn't!** :-)

Then my spirit man... or the sensible part of me... rises up to say, "Like you really think they did that to hurt you?" And I remember that the biggest poison I can bring into the body of Christ is division, dissension, strife, anger... whatever you want to call it. Getting mad at someone for something they may or may not have done is part of that poison.

God has called us to work together as Christians. He has called us to put aside differences and bring the world an example and information on how they can enter into a relationship with God.

Plus, when I walk this path of "they ignored me" or "they didn't do this" or "I shouldn't like them anymore"... I wonder, "Who is thinking that about me?"

I wish I didn't have to admit it, but I'm sure there are plenty of people who I have unknowingly snubbed or ignored or forgotten about because I was caught up in my own world. Am I too busy to remember my own friends and the people I meet?

So I'm challenged to not be so busy for a friend. I'm challenged to write myself notes to remember to call people back. I'm challenged to put myself out there as much as I can to be with other people and cultivate relationships.

When it comes down to it, Christians are on the same road. We're all doing our best to live for God despite the distractions and difficulties. We all run into trouble, and when we're united together and avoiding division, we can learn from each other.

So, if you have ever felt ignored or overlooked by me, I apologize. I want to do better and for those of you who I've felt ignored by... well, you probably don't even know I'm frustrated with you, so never mind. I'll work on my end of things and see you soon.

nasty memories

Over the past few weeks, various situations have been scratching at the surface of an old scar in my life. It's one that I could have sworn I had forgiven and forgotten. But these situations drip, drip, dripped onto my emotions and tugged at the scar, wanting to open it up.

I did what I think is the right thing. I didn't think about them. But I did wonder about them. It was like, "Oh yeah, that was a rough situation."

Today, I was driving home and I went there. Someone had said something that reminded me of an old hurt, and I decided I must not have forgiven and I needed to rethink why I had been there. And the most interesting thing happened. After I had essentially made the decision to think about the situation longer, all the old memories - the ones that I had forgotten - came flooding back in.

"Oh yeah, that happened. And that happened. That's why I was frustrated. That's why I had to forgive."

I had unknowingly opened the floodgates to old memories I had forgotten. I found myself going to a bad place of being exactly where I had been previously of re-feeling everything negative I had experienced. I knew I couldn't do that.

After going through that moment of unlocking old memories, I started to wonder, Maybe this whole forgiving and forgetting thing isn't something you do once and you're done with it. Instead, as situations remind you of what you have forgotten, you have to deliberately choose to keep away from negative thoughts, stay in the place of "forgiven and forgotten," and when negative thoughts come, you don't invest time in them.

Time seemed to be the factor that was most involved. When I was dealing with the forgiveness the first time through, I invested a lot of time in thinking through the ins and outs and justifying my position and trying to figure out their position. To some degree that was probably time well spent as I tried to figure out what my feelings were and what was going on, but after a certain point (and I usually knew when that point was), I had to stop investing time in it. The "chip on my shoulder" was eating all my mental energy, and that's not good.

So I'm not going there today or any day. In the future when circumstances come that remind me of my old feelings, I won't invest time in those thoughts. I have forgiven and forgotten. I choose to move on. Because God's grace enables me, I choose to not think about it. I will continue on.

forgive and forget, part 2

So this "forgive and forget" thing is a whole lot harder than I'd like it to be. It seems as though we as humans have an innate desire to criticize, compare, and convince ourselves that we are right and the other person is wrong. Once we've convinced ourselves of how wrong they are, we like to replay those thoughts in our head over and over so we can feel better about ourselves or remember exactly how wrong they were.

This morning I read Ephesians 3:20: "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us...."

God is able to turn around every situation into something glorious, above-and-beyond our wildest dreams. That's amazing. That's the kind of God I serve. Sometimes I wish He wouldn't let situations get so bleak or frustrating before changing things, but then how much more glory does he receive when it restores someone from their death bed then restoring someone from a common cold?

I remind myself over and over that every person on this earth is here for reason and God has an amazing plan for them just as He has an amazing plan for me. If that person's plan and mine don't mesh like I think they should, then I really should move on and let them complete their plan God's way and I'll complete God's plan in my life.

I sometimes wonder what to do when I see something wrong in someone's life that I feel like I could help fix by pointing out the problem. Well, first, I have to make sure I'm following Matthew 7, which says don't judge the speck in someone else's eye when you have a log in your own. I have to get my attitude right about the situation. Second, Matthew 18 says if our brother sins against us, we should go to him and talk it over. Maybe, if the opportunity arises, it is something you should talk to them about, as long as you don't lambast for their stupidity and provide, instead, constructive criticism in love.

(I'm not sure that I want "talking to them" to be the answer. I'd much rather talk to them in my head and imagine a perfect conversation where they take my every critique to heart and become a better person because I offered my sage advice.)

So I don't have any massively huge conclusions here. Just wanted to say that "Forgive and forget" isn't easy, but somehow God creates beautiful plans out the ugly messes we find ourselves in.

Blessings!

forgive and forget

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness recently, partially because Pastor Mac Hammond has talked about it in his recent messages (great messages, too!) and partially because I've recognized some areas where I need to forgive.

One of the things forgiveness means that I think we often ignore or don't realize is that when you forgive, you should forget. Pastor Mac often follows that statement with statements like this: "When I say 'forget,' I don't mean that you get Holy Ghost amnesia. When you forget, it actually means that you 'put out of mind.'"

So I've contemplated that and realized that when I am offended or hurt by someone else, my tendency is to overthink why I've been hurt. I'll say, "I forgive them" and really do mean it. But then I think about it a lot. And I always have a good reason to try to decipher what I'm going through and why I feel the way I feel and it will always make sense why I need to replay in my head everything that I need to forgive that person for. The Lord doesn't want me to keep replaying their mistakes. He wants me to forgive them, and then move on.

This morning, I looked up the word "forgive" on blueletterbible.com and it gives the idea that when you forgive, you walk away from it and leave it behind you. That means not going back to it because you have to try to figure out exactly everything that offended you. Not overthinking it because it's part of your "personality" and you need to make sure that you don't miss anything. (guilty as charged!) None of that will help you forgive. It will just make you frustrated all over again.

What we really need to do when we forgive someone is forget it. Put it out of mind... over and over and over. Day in, day out.

To clarify, I'm not talking about an abusive situation where someone is taking advantage of you physically or emotionally. I'm talking about those instances that happen altogether too often among church members, family, and friends where you get offended because they don't celebrate Labor Day like you do or they looked at you the wrong way or they did something else that frustrated you. Those types of things are things that we should leave behind us.

Lord, I've messed up time and again by reasoning my way into not forgetting the things people have done for me. Please help me truly forgive and walk away from whatever frustrations come from other people in my life. In Jesus' name, Amen.