Wednesday, April 19, 2017

33 weeks... and still cookin'!

33 weeks tomorrow and doctor appt yesterday. My doc said at the appt., "I would have never known you had an incompetent cervix."

Thinking about that statement just makes me want to praise God. After my water broke during my first pregnancy at 20 weeks, Erik and I had to face the idea that my body may not be able to carry a baby to completion--and it definitely wouldn't be able to without help. There was hope that a cerclage would make it be possible, but there was certainly a bleak feeling of "you just don't know what will happen in the future."

Looking back at Brayden's pregnancy (#2), I faced so much fear... held on to some, overcame it other times. I was so nervous until he was safe in my arms. In fact, every muscle twinge and every uncertain feeling was cause for concern that Brayden wasn't safe. Looking back, I know he was probably not at risk during much of it, thanks to the cerclage and limited lifting and limited activity.

Jase's pregnancy was a lot better than Brayden's. I was able to relax more and do more things because I knew I had made it successfully through it once before. I had more joy, less fear and less scares, but I still was cautious. The biggest thing I couldn't do then was lift Brayden, who was only 1 1/2 years old and still needed a lot of lifting!

(Shout out to all my family and friends who helped so extensively during all of my pregnancies!!!! I'm SO grateful that you helped make our family possible!)

Now, during this pregnancy, it almost feels like a redemption pregnancy. My kids are old enough to take care of themselves (generally, speaking)... they can do so much on their own and they can help around the house. I've been able to be the most active of all the pregnancies and have done my best to truly enjoy getting out and about and being pregnant, something that I missed when the fear was prevalent during earlier ones.

I can't say I haven't battled fear. After I passed the 24 week mark, I got over the fear that I was going to disappoint my little boys and not have the sister for them that we had promised. Every week that has gone by has strengthened my confidence... not that it hasn't been without its share of troubles. I still have to tell my boys I can't do certain things they want to do because I need to rest or can't lift/exercise/run, etc. I know that period will come to end, however, and those moments won't be prevalent in their minds. I've had some nerves, but I usually tried to go with my gut/mothering instinct or ask the doctor what I need to be aware of. Now, I hear my doctor say that everything is perfect and... wow. every day brings us closer. It's been a LONG wait. Well, probably the "shortest" wait of all three babies I've had, but it's still so long to wait for something when you have restrictions. Maybe one day I'll know how to put that into words, but I feel for people in those long waiting periods.

In addition to relying on God, one key that has got me through this is focusing on and picturing the days in the hospital showing off my daughter. Thinking through and imagining what it all will be like. Remembering the sleepless nights and how they seem to be all worth it when you hold your baby in your arms.

So yeah... because I've been able to be more active and more confident this pregnancy, I haven't blogged as much during it, but I wanted to get some of this out there on "paper." So there you go. That's my pregnancy update. All is well... God is amazing.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

Life can change in a moment.

I vividly remember using those words as my blog title after my water bag broke at 20 weeks with my first pregnancy. The dreams of a perfect pregnancy and baby were dashed in an instant and my life was forever changed.

This morning, however, I thought of that phrase in a different setting. I was thinking about that morning, centuries ago, when some women woke up early. They saw the sun outside and started to revel in the beauty created as the sun rays landed upon the nature around them, just as I did this morning. Their morning, however, wasn't so happy. Within a few minutes, the reality of the situation they were currently facing haunted them. Jesus, their wonderful leader and connection point to God, was dead.


Talk about life change. They were ready to follow Him with their whole lives, and then He was killed in the most horrific, brutal way possible.

All they could think to do, to somehow move through another day, was to go anoint His body with burial spices. It was something they could to do somehow absolve the hopelessness they each felt.

On their way to the tomb, they were relatively silent, occasionally bringing up stories of Jesus' impact on them. They retold of His miracles, but then fell silent again as they wondered why such a wonderful life was cut short. As they neared where He lay, they started to consider the fact that the body was behind a huge stone that none of them would be able to move. Perhaps if they all worked together...

They all looked up as the tomb came into sight. The stone had already been moved. A gaping hole in the middle of the cave stared back at them, but a somewhat unnatural light could be seen from the inside.

Life can change in a moment.

They walked up to the men standing next to the tomb, trying to decide what emotions they should feel. "Where is Jesus' body?" one had the courage to ask.

"He is not here. He is risen, just like He said."

The women tried to comprehend the words he just spoke. They peeked inside and didn't see the lumps of a body under the burial clothes as they should have.

"What did you just say?" they asked again.

"He is risen. Go and look inside. You won't find His body, just as He said."

The ladies ran inside and saw neatly placed burial clothes covering the area Jesus' body should have been.

Life can change in a moment.

The men's voices boomed from the front of the cave. "Go and tell His disciples what has happened!"


Well, that's just my imagination at work this morning. I'd love to continue the story, but I know little ones sleeping upstairs will be up soon.... I just wanted to share my revelation that Jesus came so that our lives can change in a moment... for the better. He came to revolutionize and light up and bring beauty into our lives. We may be in the darkest of dark times, but Jesus' death and resurrection provides the hope we need to know that life can change in a moment... for the better and for His glory.

Happy Resurrection Sunday.