how to help a grieving friend, part 2

Nine years ago, I wrote down some ways you can help someone who is dealing with grief (click here to read!). I started thinking about it again recently because of some dear people who have passed way too soon into heaven and my friends are grieving their loss.

I also thought about it because someone sent me something that made me remember my brother, who passed away in 2009... which is why I wanted to write how to help a grieving friend, part 2.

Here's the story... in the stack of Christmas cards I got this year, I received one from a close girlfriend. It got shoved away in my desk, so I forgot to open it until yesterday. When I did, it wasn't the normal Christmas card I expected. It said, "A gift has been made to Samaritan's Purse in your honor." Now, Samaritan's Purse is an awesome organization that I am happy to support, but it wasn't until I opened the card that I was floored.

The inside read:

I immediately cried. I hadn't seen his name written out for years. It reminded me that he was more than just a family memory. He was a real person that I used to hug and live with and make memories with. It was such a moment to treasure to just reflect on him and love on him and know that someone across the world was getting blessed because of this gift in his honor and they knew his name. 

Whoa... it blessed me!

And I wanted you to know... if you want to help a grieving friend, do something out of the ordinary and in that person's honor like this. Surprise them weeks down the road, years down the road. Write down the anniversary on your calendar. Write down a note to do something for them in the future. Do something now to let them know that you remember and care about them. 

I vividly remember nine months after Brody passed that we got a card in the mail from someone just talking about him... and it came from someone who wasn't necessarily a close friend we talked to every day! That blessed me so much! So much love and outpouring comes immediately after something happens - and yes, that stuff sticks with you too - but there's something special about someone remembering when the world has moved on. 

So if you know someone who lost a friend last year or the year before that or years or decades ago... or even last week, send them a special note. If it was a recent loss, make a note of the anniversary and send them a gift next year and the year after. Do something out of the ordinary and unexpected to show you care... it will bless them! 

why do we have to go through valleys?

Psalm 23 says that David waked through the valley of the shadow of death. That doesn't sound like much fun. In fact, for many who are going through a difficult time, it begs the question, why do we need valleys? If God is good, couldn't He use His goodness and power to keep life fantastic for us at all time? Wouldn't a life of mountain tops be better?

Actually, that question itself is impossible. A land filled with mountain tops would be a flat valley. Mountaintops are made beautiful by the very fact that there are valleys. And depending on where you are, valleys are filled with foliage that cannot be appreciated from the mountaintop. Both experiences create a fuller experience of life.

For us to be dogmatic and assume all of life should head in a certain direction is an invalid conclusion because the beauty in life and the beauty in creation comes from the multidimensional terrain.

God didn't make this life a flatland. He made it a beautiful world of valleys and mountain tops. It's our job to trust Him through it all. As we trust Him, we can hunt for the beauty in the valleys and soak in the majesty of the mountain tops.

happiest third birthday to my firstborn!

Today, I'm thinking of my little mister, Brody Mark Wegener. He was born 11-20-10, weighed a little less than a pound, was a little less than a foot long, and lived for a little less than an hour. He was such a trooper because he stayed in my tummy with minimal amniotic fluid for over five days. He's a fighter!

We had a beautiful funeral for him about a month after he was born; it was long enough after so I had enough time to physically recover and our family could be together. It brought nice closure to a short life that had such an impact on me and my family and who knows who else.

Sometimes I forget how much it hurts to have lost a family member... and yes, I highly dislike that I lost two of them within a little over a year (my brother and my son). Each of their legacies live on in unique ways... and every once in a while, it's good to sit down and just have a good cry that they aren't there any more and that you just miss them and want them back.

I can't explain the odd feelings I have that Brayden, although he thinks he's the oldest kid and certainly acts like the only kid because he is the only kid we're taking care of, my heart knows he's my middle child. It's so strange because it's this intangible feeling that he's not my oldest. Brody is. Like I mentioned when I said we were pregnant with our third, I am reminding myself that Brayden has no understanding about him not really being the oldest or the only kid, so his behavior will be oldest/only kid. But he will most definitely grow up knowing about his big brother in heaven.

I'm really grateful for this odd feeling though... this constant, subconscious remembrance of Brody. My guess is a lot of parents, including my own, feel that same way if they lose a child. No one else may know or everyone might know that you've lost someone, but you know, and that knowing is something you hold dear to you. They are forever a part of your heart and life.

Thanks to his grandma, Brayden has a few different books (he loves books!) on becoming a big brother and I think he has a pretty good 22-month-old grasp on the subject. I really think he'll do great once the next little miss or mister comes along in January.

Erik and I have had occasional questions from people - and we've asked ourselves these questions as well - will this be our last kid? And that's a fabulous question. I really like the idea of three kids, but I'm not sure how that will look in the future. Going through another pregnancy with light activity is rather intimidating, but the reward is great... Then we have always talked about adoption. I have no idea what the future holds, but I really like the fact that it doesn't matter what the future holds, I already have three kids. One just happens to be extremely easy to take care of... although, Brody, just so you know, I wish I were the one planning your birthday party. I do know you're in good hands.

All my love, Daddy's love, Brayden's love, and baby's love... happy birthday, Brody Mark Wegener! We love you and miss you dearly and are super excited to be reunited in heaven with you soon!

four years.

Four years.

Every year that comes, I wonder how I will commemorate the day my big brother went home to be with Jesus. This year, when Oct. 1 came, I hadn't thought much about it, and then I started to write this blog... and then I cried.

Time's a tricky thing. I remember after Brian passed and I would hear about how time healed and watch people walk through the five and ten year anniversaries and not seem as emotional as in that first year or even first moments, which I didn't ever want to be like that... but I was wrong. I am learning that every year is just as emotional as the prior year, but it comes out in different ways. Every anniversary is a chance to remember and cry and reflect and wish it had never happened... and that's okay. It's okay to miss, it's okay to love, it's okay to wish they were still here. And I do.

The anniversary and his birthday and his wedding anniversary--those special days--are all days to remember and cry... and then most of the time, when I think of Brian, I smile or laugh or just remember and wish silently, but tears don't come because life has continued and time has healed. We've moved on in life, which seems callous to say, but it isn't and it is a good thing. Brian would never have wanted me or any of my family or his friends to get stuck in the past crying over him every thought of him. He'd want us to remember his smile, his laugh, and his love for the Lord.

Thanks for my best friend, I was reminded of this story yesterday. She dropped me a note to let me know she was thinking about my family this week and then told me her favorite Brian story... so here goes.

We were at a 50th anniversary party for my extended family. Brian and I and our family cousins were sitting at the end of a long table of people. You know, the long dinner tables that have like 20 people around them and bouquets at each end as centerpieces for the table....

Wait. I should preference this story by saying I was verrrrrrry gullible when I was younger. (I still have my moments!) Brian knew this and would take full advantage of it every once in a while.

... Okay, continuing on. Somehow the conversation at the table switched to what the food was in these cute bowl-like containers at the end of each table. They were circular globs of food and kinda whitish-yellow. There wasn't one at every seat, but I must have been at the end of the table and it was relatively close to my plate. I must have said something like... "What's that?"

My brother, as grand as he is, said, "Oh, that's ice cream."

"Ice cream? Really? That's strange."

"Yeah, it's vanilla ice cream. You should take a bite."

"Well, no one else has one, so it can't be ice cream."

"Well, it's special for the people at the end of the table."

Right about now, my cousins who were sitting with us chimed in. "Yeah, you're in the special seat at the table. You should take a bite."

I was pretty doubtful that they would have ice cream just for me and the other person at the end of the table, but they must have been making some pretty convincing arguments because they finally convinced me to take a very small bite. (Peer pressure, anyone?)

And yes.... it was butter.

I still remember the feeling of that pat of butter in my teeth. I didn't take a lot, but it was definitely gross and easy to tell it wasn't the beautiful scoop of ice cream I was hoping for....

Now, don't let that taint any nice guy images you have of Brian. He was a great big brother and didn't take advantage of my gullibility all too often. Just often enough to make memories and have a story to share twenty-some years down the road. :-)

So to my big brother... I can't believe I'm 32 and you passed at 30. I wish you had stayed ahead of me paving the way through life, so I'm grateful that God blessed me at the perfect time with Erik and his family in addition to my parents, Cristina and your girls and Andrew and baby #5, your nephews Brody and Brayden, and your future niece/nephew Baby #3. You are missed, loved, and remembered often. All my love.

an ode to mommyhood

You know you're a mom when...

-you put your child down early to nap/bed just so you can have a few minutes alone
-you decide to run an errand just so your child can stay in one place for a few minutes while you drive
-you forget how long it's been since you washed your hair--but you've probably set a new record (don't ask!)
-you think, "My kid is taking a beautiful, quiet nap" and then you realize you just forgot to turn on the monitor
-you eat lunch while you and your child are sitting peacefully in a parked car
-you get very excited when you realize one of the books you've been reading for months to your baby has some pages that stuck together... new material you haven't yet seen!
-you realize that Ritz crackers are an excellent time saver for a screaming, hungry baby and an almost cooked dinner
-you do much of life with one arm... because the baby is in the other one


Other random thoughts...
-The best $100 I spent on baby materials was on cloth diapers. I've had some ups and downs with them, but overall, I'm very happy with the investment!
-The best mommy trick I know (at this time) is when your baby has a runny nose, take them to the sink, get your hand wet and wipe the snot away from outside and inside the nose. Keeps the snot away a little longer. Pleasant, huh?

That's all for now... I'm sure more mommy posts will come in the future!


**This post is in honor of a few people who recently had miscarriages early on in their pregnancies. I hate hearing about miscarriages, and I wish all babies could stay here on earth with us. I've also come to learn that there is a special honor in knowing you have a baby safely tucked away in heaven. It puts life in a different perspective. I guarantee that angel babies have a much greater impact on earth than you might imagine given they only stayed a few weeks or a few months in the womb. Special blessings, hugs, peace, and love to all families with angel babies, recent or not.

Happy New Year!

Today we celebrate my big brother, who would be turning 34. Yay! Happy birthday, Brian!

I feel like I write tributes often about Brian, but occasional posts about B are nothing compared to how much we think about him and miss him. :-) 

Today is a good day. It's the start of 2013... another year to grow in God, spend time with my hubby, family, and friends, and watch my little boy grow. 

I look back on 2012 fondly because every day Erik and I watched Brayden grow a little bigger, stronger, and more interactive. And that process won't stop. Amazing!

I hope you have a lot of good things coming to you in 2013, especially in your relationship with God.

the handprints of God on Brody's second birthday

Two years ago today, my precious firstborn son, Brody Mark Wegener was born. Brody-man, Bro, or our intended nickname based on his initials, Beamer.

I have had thoughts running through my head of what I wanted to say to commemorate this day, and I can't quite settle on anything. The most important thing is that this day is so much better with Brayden, his brother, in our arms. His smile and the joy he brings to our lives makes this day extra special... because as I've said before, we wouldn't have Brayden if Brody had been full-term. Crazy.

One day I want to write about the flashbacks you experience when you go through sudden tragedy. I was dealing with that a lot last week, and even started to blog about it, but I haven't quite been able to post it yet. Right now, flashbacks are the toughest - when you think back to the moments of pain and difficulty you went through. I'm doing okay with them overall, but it's still a tender topic, so I'll wait to write about that until I'm ready. :-)

Instead, I'll just say that even though God wasn't involved in Brody passing away so early, God's handprints were--and continue to be--all over our lives before, during, and after the tragedy. I don't understand that statement, but I do stand by the statement and fully recognize that God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are much higher than our thoughts. We won't ever understand His ways... many times, they are disguised, often unrecognizable to man, and only visible through hindsight, if at all. We see the fruit of Him working, but how the fruit came about or the way it appears to have grown will often baffle man.

So that leaves us to trust. Trust in the unseen God and His unseen ways. Trust Him that He'll show you His handprints and remind you He's there right when you need encouragement. Trust that He'll surpass the unsurpassable, and suppress the unsuppressable. He'll supply what is needed, and take care of you when you hurt the most.

I don't get it, but I am grateful that He is by our side through everything.

I was super happy this morning when I walked by my plant--the one that my friends got for me when I was in the hospital having complications during my pregnancy with Brody, and just a few days before he was born. This plant has lived on for two years--that is a miracle in my house! The buds on it have come and gone, and most recently, they have been gone. But this morning, on Brody's birthday, I found this:

One bloom in honor of my little boy. :-)

Happy birthday, Brody! We love you and are excited to meet you and see your personality and what you look like and all the things that make you you. (Uncle Brian and Grandma Doria, and all our relatives up there, be sure to give Brody an extra big hug from us!) Thinking of you so much~

life's lime wedge

I've never been much of a soda drinker. I like soda/pop/Coke (whatever you prefer to call it) and will drink it on occasion, but generally, I'm a water drinker. Although, if I'm getting deep dish meaty pizza, that is often the perfect time for a nice cold glass of root beer.

I do know a lot of ladies at my church who love soda and drink soda, but they are very particular about their kind: Diet Coke with lime. (I'm picturing it with a lime wedge!) Not Coke. Not Pepsi. Not DC with lemon. Diet Coke with lime. Must be the particular taste the lime adds to the DC that makes it taste perfect. Since I know more than one person who has recommended that, I'm sure it tastes good! (I'm picturing it adds zest kinda like the lime you squirt onto Chipotle burritos - yum!)

Hungry yet? 

Well, that whole "lime wedge" thing came to mind in an interesting way today. I was getting ready for the day and lamenting how much I didn't feel like a Christian at the moment. To be honest, I've had a very up and down time since Brian and Brody passed about coming and spending time with the Lord. My individual time with Him has been scattered, because approaching Him one on one can be intimidating after you did so for so long and got such a strange result. 

I feel like my life has been redefined by Brian and Brody and I can't shake the feeling that I'm different because I lost these family members so early in life... and at times, I don't always know how to reconcile that with my relationship with God. (Some days are better than others!)

This morning, God reminded me that it isn't about what I feel. I might not feel like a Christian, but that's okay because it's not about me. God created me to be wholly me. My faults, my flaws, my family, my everything is who God made me to be. Even this off/on struggle with prayer is part of me. Granted there is an enemy in the world who is working to use me against me... if that makes any sense. But whether or not I feel like a Christian because I'm doing this or that doesn't change the fact that I am one. My beliefs about God and Jesus hasn't changed and my beliefs about who He is and what He has done for me hasn't changed. Sometimes my actions change because I make choices that aren't the best, but other days I make choices that are better. (Generally speaking, these are all choices that are relatively small, like did I read my Bible today or take too long working or not listen to enough worship music)

What has changed is my life. It's okay to be affected by death--there's no way around it. My family dynamic has forever been changed--both for good and for bad! Brian and Brody, of course, are the "bad" changes since they aren't here anymore, but Josh (Cristina's husband), Brayden, and Andrew are a few of the good changes. That, as I thought about it this morning, is my "lime wedge." My life was going along swimmingly and then I got this lime wedge handed to me. Tragedy. It stinks. I had a choice and I continue to have a choice on how this lime wedge of life will affect me. Will I suck on the lime wedge and have a stinky face because life is so sour? Will I let the lime wedge sit by glass of Coke and do nothing, perhaps in the hope that ignoring it will make the lime wedge disappear? Or will I squeeze the lime wedge into my Coke and let a new zingy flavor of my life unfold before me? 

I'm sitting here crying as I'm watching this words get typed out before me... this blog makes sense and is  encouraging me while just fifteen minutes ago I was thinking, "I'm a horrible Christian!" God uses everything for good. And it's not about what I feel. It's about what I know and walking that out and letting the feelings follow. 

As my pastor friend said during the whole time Brian was sick, God is faithful. That will never change. He is more faithful than the circumstances that we can validate naturally every day. God is more faithful than everything we see, and even though we can't see Him, we cling to that truth that He will always turn lime wedges into zests of life squeezed into our drink, if we dare to pick them up and embrace them as the flaws that make up our life. 

It's not about me. It's not about us. It's about God and Him using us to bring this world back to Him. 

(P.S. I did a quick image search for Coke with lime and apparently it's more than a lime wedge and a glass of Coke....)

the horrors of tragedy affect everyone

I've been thinking a lot about the horrors surrounding the Colorado shooting just a few days ago. So many people have been affected in so many different ways. Right when I think, "I need to focus my prayers on them," someone else pops into mind.

What about the employees who saw this unfold? They are working day after day in the place where people were murdered (if not this week, then at some point in the future).

What about the murderer's parents and family? What kind of crazy emotions are they experiencing?

What about every person who knew the victims or people affected in some way? What about the people who are having flashbacks because of a past tragedy that affected them? Or the people who are still in the hospital?

This is a time when we need to pull together as a nation and pray for strength for everyone involved. A trial of the murderer will happen (he desperately needs the Lord!). Funerals will happen. Lives will need to be put back together - both in the hospital and at home. And people are needed to make all these things happen.

Two words come to mind when thinking about the part I can play: support and prayer.

Support people in this situation. Support good. Support right. Support help. Support ... even in your arguments and comments and "sharing" of things online.

Pray over people every time you think of them.

And... in case this blog would be seen by anyone who lost a friend that day, here's a link to my blog on how to help a grieving friend. It's a little of what I've learned may help someone who is grieving. Perhaps something I say might help you help your friend/family member. Remember... their journey of grief will last much longer than the publicity surrounding the shootings. Even when you think of them in a few months or years, say a prayer for grace for them. They'll need it.

Blessings to you. God is still on the throne and He is working to be with everyone affected by this tragedy. He still reigns in this world.

out of adversity comes...

Out of adversity comes _____________. For everyone the answer is different. There are also probably many answers for everyone.

For me, one of the things I've learned over the past five years is the importance of praying for people. When people have prayer requests, I want to--even need to--really, truly take time to lift them before the Father. I pray more for others that I ever did five+ years ago because I understand that people truly need others around them during difficulty to support them in prayer. When you are in the middle of a situation, emotions get tangled up and it's hard to see straight enough to even form a prayer. That's why people outside of the situation praying intently and purposely about a situation is vital.

So yeah. I wish my brother was here and my son was here, but in a sense, every day I'm learning how to benefit from the tragedies I've faced (and do and will face). With God's grace empowering me, I will learn from every situation I face and turn it into overcoming good for the kingdom of God. Period.

(P.S. Those are Brian's daughters in the picture from a few years ago. Love it.) 

remembering brody

Ever since Brayden was born, I've been thinking a lot about my first son, Brody. For those of you who don't know, he was born on November 21, 2010 at 21 weeks along in my pregnancy. He was a beautiful one pound, one foot boy - absolutely perfect - who lived an hour before going to meet Jesus. (He's lucky - he's in heaven!!!)

I don't know if I ever thought about how I'd respond to having Brayden after Brody didn't make it, but it's been an interesting ride. During my pregnancy, I had to pinch myself that the baby in me was a completely different baby than the first time. After I met Brayden, I actually missed Brody the most I've ever missed him because I saw what I missed the first time.

So yes, I've thought about Brody a ton and miss him dearly as I wonder what Brody would have looked like and how life would have been with him around or even more so, both Brayden and Brody - I would love, love, love to have both boys on earth right now.

The crazy thing is that if I had Brody in my arms right now, Brayden wouldn't exist, and now I wouldn't trade Brayden for the world, especially since I know Brody is better than all of us in heaven.

That makes my mind go tilt.

What makes it tilt even more is that my grandma miscarried between my dad's older sister and him. Again, the timing works out that if that baby had stayed on this earth, my dad wouldn't have existed, which means I wouldn't exist either.

Strange!

This is where I just say, God is amazing, and rely on His goodness and purposeful plan because I don't get what happened, but I know He's working everything -- bad, good, and in between -- out for His purposes.

By the way, if you read all that and got confused about which baby is Brody and which is Brayden, that's okay. I think I've said it before... Brody Mark is named in honor of my brother, Brian Mark, who passed away in October 2010. Brayden Allen is named in honor of both of them. :-) It's a wonderful way that I can remember all three of them and let their memory live on in a unique way on this earth. And I fully don't mind at all if anyone gets the names mixed up.

Also, thank you to all of my friends who remember Brody and talk about him in certain conversations. That means the world to me that you remember him.

One last thought - when asked the question about Brayden, "Is this your first?" I switch up my answer all the time, depending on the person and situation. Sometimes, I take the easy way out and say, "Yes," and other times, I say, "My first full-term" or something along those lines. Having a baby in heaven is interesting because we are family of four, but you can only see three people on earth. So I'll probably keep switching up my answer, but Brody, you always will be my firstborn and in my heart. I'm super excited to tell Brayden about you.

Okay, one final, final last thought. The best day of my life after the day I met Jesus and my wedding day, was probably the day I took Brayden home. I might have been one of the few mothers you see walking out of the birthing center crying while taking home their newborn. Given our previous situation, that day was the best, most surreal day in my life.

Happy birthday, Brody!

Happy birthday, Brody! I hope Uncle Brian and Grandma Doris are throwing you a big party up in heaven! Okay, they might not be because you've probably just blinked and another year has passed on earth... oh the things about heaven and God's timing that we thoroughly don't understand here on earth!

What a year it's been, little boy of mine.

Since the time you met us and then met Jesus, I've been on bedrest for, well, pretty much half the year it seems! First, I rested because of you, but within about six months, I got to go on bedrest so your little brother, Brayden, wouldn't get to heaven as fast as you did. Hope you don't mind! ;-) (again, you'll probably blink in heaven's time and our whole family will be up there celebrating with you and Jesus!)

We miss you a lot. In fact, since Brayden is still in my tummy, we think about you and sometimes mix you and Brayden up. Yeah, we named Brayden after you and knew that we'd mix the names up, and we're doing a good job of it. But that's okay. Even though it is sad, I love remembering you. You're my precious firstborn.

We're about two months or less from meeting Brayden. I'm excited to see what he looks like. I do wonder if he looks anything like you! And I wonder how you look like us! If I get to heaven and you're a grown man like some people say happens in heaven, I want to see baby pictures. :-) Not sure if that's possible, but then again, with God, aren't all things possible?

Brody, you have a beautiful place down here where we can remember you. You actually share a grave and tombstone with your great great aunt - my Grandpa's mom miscarried a baby girl before he was born. You're right next to Uncle Brian and actually your tombstone looks a lot like Uncle Brian's. That's very special. You know all these people already because you're with them, but I just wanted to tell you that we visit you there when we can. (I really wish we could visit you today, but there's snow on the ground, and it will be slippery and a little hard to find you. I don't want to fall and hurt myself or Brayden at all!) As Brayden gets bigger, we'll bring him to visit you too, and maybe even release balloons to you - something special as our little way of connecting with you. I'm pretty sure that the balloons don't actually reach heaven, but you never know. :-) I can dream.

Brody, you've impacted your daddy's and my life in a really special way. You'll always have a treasured place in our hearts. Because of you, we now have influence in people's lives who we would never have met if we hadn't met you. Crazy. I'm so glad you're well taken care of in heaven, although I wish you could be down here instead hugging me, your daddy, Tucker, and little Brayden.

Oh and yesterday, Daddy and I were blessed with toys and blankets and clothes and all sorts of wonderful things for Brayden at our first baby shower. It made me think of you and miss you a lot.

I'll end with a quote from a friend whose baby went to heaven a few years before mine: "Most people only dream of angels. We've held one."

We love you, Brody. Happy 1st birthday. See you soon.

 

what the devil really wants

One thing I've learned firsthand--and secondhand as I've watched other people--is that the devil is out to get our faith. If he can change our beliefs or get us to back off what we believe, he's won.

Adversity is how he does it. Difficult times. Unexplained things. Things that make you question the reality of who God is. When these things happen, we as humans seem to have the innate reaction to question or blame God because He's all-knowing, all-powerful, and ultimately, shouldn't He be able to stop those things?

Well, this is where it gets confusing for us as humans. Yes, I believe God can ultimately do what He wants, but for some reason, He has created the world a certain way. He created a beautiful world, gave it to Adam to manage, and Adam messed up. He ultimately handed over legal authority of this world to our enemy (and God's enemy) Satan. Satan has the legal right to do bad things on this earth, hence the corruption. God has access to the world through believers and through prayer, and through His Spirit, as He sees fit, but ultimately, we live in a corrupted world.

This is where the test of faith comes in.

When people decide to believe in God and become a Christian, Satan immediately wants to steal that Word from them. It's like the parable of the sower in Mark chapter 4. Seed was sown by the side of the road, but birds snatched it up. It's kinda like ideas about God are sown in someone's heart, but the enemy will snatch them up if at all possible. We are in a battle to keep our faith in an unseen God who is greater and mightier than anything else on earth--but works in mysterious ways and has ways that are much, much different than what we imagine them to be.

James chapter 1 tells us that our faith is what is being tried in all this adversity we face, and I think we see this same importance of faith over and over again throughout the Word.

Why does the enemy want our faith? I think the answer is in 1 John 5:4-5.

"For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth [or has faith] that Jesus is the Son of God?"

The ones who have faith ultimately win.

I believe our faith will pay off in multiple ways between now and the end of the world when God comes to make things right, but there will be times when faith is hard to hold because of what we see. That's when we need to remember to keep faith. The Bible is right, God is good, and He is faithful. No matter what we see, His promises are true, available to you today, and He ultimately wins in the end. I'm glad I'm on His side.

how to help a grieving friend

A church acquaintance of mine just experienced a horrible tragedy this past weekend. I don't know the family well, but I know people who do who are aching for ways to help this family.

I haven't been through a sudden tragedy like this, but I have extended family who has been, and I've lost a brother and a newborn son to death way too early, so I thought I'd share some thoughts of how you can help a grieving friend.

1. Remember. Mark your calendar now and send the grieving family a card, note, email, facebook message on the anniversary of when their loved one passed away. Just last week was the 2-year anniversary of my brother's passing, and every thought, note, and bit of love that people sent my way and to my parents helped us walk through that day and be honored and blessed that people would remember him.

2. Remember, part 2. Immediately following any death, the family is thrown in a whirlwind of people sending condolences, asking if they can help, making funeral preparations (imagine wedding preparations thrown into five days or so!), talking to family members -- not to mention processing their grief. It's after the funeral where the fact that "life goes on" hits and you have to try to cope with the reality that your loved one isn't there -- this is when family and friends are needed, just as much, if not more than before. Send a bouquet of flowers a few weeks after the funeral just to say you care and are thinking of them. (I remember cherishing the flowers sent after I lost my baby boy. They made me smile because someone remembered.) Write them a note or facebook message any time you pray for them - even 3-6 months from now - and just let them know you care.

3. Pray. So many times when I was grieving, I relied on the fact that people were praying me through this. I couldn't always form prayers because my world had been rocked so hard, so knowing that people were praying for me was such a relief and an encouragement.

4. Bring meals. This is probably most important in the first few weeks and a few weeks after the funeral. If you're a good friend, perhaps you could make them a schedule using something like foodtidings.com. Or you could ask a friend if something has already been set up. It's such a relief not having to worry about dinner when you are trying to process your loss. Even a few weeks after the funeral, you could drop off a dinner or if the grieving family is interested, you could visit for a short while. Anything to help relieve the stress is helpful. Here is a good blog post on Tips for Bringing Meals to a Grieving Friend. 

5. Let them grieve. The sadness and tears will come in unexpected ways over the next few weeks, months, and years. Sudden tragedies can especially take a while to heal from because they are unexpected. If the grieving family isn't acting like themselves or is a little snappy or down about life, keep an eye on them so they don't get stuck in depression, but also, give them a lot of grace. They don't even know all that they are processing. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I still am processing the grief of losing the people I've lost in my life.

6. Don't try to have answers. This blog states it well. Please read it - because people, especially Christians, often try to make it better by saying "God's in control" or "it'll be all right" or some other cliche. Those answers do not help. Often they just drag up a ton more questions in the grieving person. It's okay to not know what to say and just be quiet or to be honest and say, "I wish I had the right words, but I don't." Give hugs. Write notes to say you are praying for them and thinking of them. It's okay to not have the answers - we're human, and the best we can do is be there, help where needed, and listen.

There are a lot of other things you can do help a grieving friend, but hopefully this gives you a good start. It's some of what really helped me in what I have been going through. Ask God for His help and wisdom in how you can bless, encourage, and most importantly, support your friend, and He will.


John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

quick update!

Hi everyone!

I've started blog drafts and thought about writing many times over the past weeks/days, but obviously, I've been quiet on here for a while.

Just thought I'd check in and let you know that everything is going aok. :-) Baby is healthy and I'm still on bedrest so baby can stay healthy in me and not come early. Erik, my family, and friends have all been amazing as they help take care of me when I'm off my feet.

Slowly but surely I'm pulling together baby registry stuff and realizing how much stuff you need to take care of a kiddo! Yikes!

Yesterday, we celebrated my brother Brian's two year anniversary in heaven. Amazing how time flies. Erik and I visited Brody and Brian at the cemetery, and it was peaceful and beautiful. A nice bittersweet moment... we actually both thought the same thing at the same time while there: "It's still kinda surreal." And that it is. Hard to imagine that Brian went through what he went through and he's not here anymore, and that we and Brody went through what we went through. Definitely wish it could be different, but since it isn't, we do our best to keep moving on.

I'm SO grateful that I know I'll see them again in heaven. I can't imagine dealing with grief without that hope of eternity and seeing them again. (If you don't have hope of eternity, visit www.needhim.com.)

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog. I'm amazed by all the page views and hope that somehow my ramblings and life stories encourage you in your own journey.

Hugs.

Laura

my grandma

My wonderful Grandma Doris has met my little boy, Brody.

She passed away on August 3, 2011. She lived a long, wonderful life. Her loves were God, her husband, family, friends, and flowers. Her smile lit up the room and made her friends with everyone. She will be missed dearly by her beloved husband Carl; her children Craig and Martha (Mark); granddaughter Laura (Erik); and great-grandchildren Chloe, Angelica, and Julia (Cristina). She was preceded in death by her grandson Brian and great-grandson Brody.

Although she will be missed, I'm so glad that she's in a better place.

"patiently" waiting for baby

So I thoroughly have a new appreciation for military families who say goodbye to their spouse/parent/sibling, etc. for months to a full year or more so they can serve our country. I admit that I've been glib enough to tell some people I know coming up on a waiting period, "It'll be over before you know it." Yes, time flies in the grand scheme of things... but when it comes down to 24 hours passing over and over and over again to create a string of days and then weeks without someone in your life, it's extremely difficult.

Yes, the big picture is it will go fast, but I've learned now to think twice before telling someone in a waiting period (even people on bedrest like me) that it will go fast. The reality is that no matter how "long" or "short" their waiting period is, that person still has to walk through hour after hour after day after day of some integral person being out of their lives.

I remember after both Brian and Brody passed away that I wished time would just vanish in some way and that it would be magically six months after my brother/baby had passed and that time would magically healed my wounds. I could see and imagine the day that the grieving wouldn't hurt as intense, but that didn't change the fact that I was still living out the moments and days and weeks immediately following a tragic death. It wasn't easy.

The same goes for military wives, bedrest, and any other type of waiting period for someone you love (whether waiting for heaven or just a return home). Those days are long and can sometimes be slow.

I am trying to make the most of my time down. I want to enjoy my rest time - the times when I'm alone and the times when friends and family visit and help me through it. I want to enjoy my time with Erik and enjoy my time without a baby crying at night. :-) I've made up goals and activities to getting certain stuff done during this time--like cleaning out the junk in our house and keeping it clean (as best as I can on bedrest) one little bit of junk at a time and doing crossword puzzles and reading books or playing games.

In fact, Erik and I now play cribbage. It's a nice way to relax on the sofa and enjoy each other's company. It took four games of him having amazing cards and me learning how to play before I actually won a game!

So that's all for now. Slowly but surely I'm making it through each day. I know the day will soon be here when I will be posting baby pictures and updates, but until then, I'll simply process my waiting period as patiently as possible.

P.S. I know that the waiting process is the growing period as well. Just as baby is growing inside me now, I want to grow as a person and in my character during this time as well. Lord, please help me do that! Thank you! You are wonderful! :-)

P.S.S. Thank you to all the military families for what they've done for our country! Words can't properly express my gratefulness!

today's top 5 (7/6)

Here are today's top 5 things I'm thankful for...

1. Sleeping boys. Erik, Tucker, and I had a wonderful weekend away with family for the 4th of July. We came back midday yesterday. Erik and Tucker both slept for 5 hours while I worked. I loved the feeling of tip-toeing around the house because I had my two sleeping boys I didn't want to disturb. So glad they got their sleep!

2. Tucker. I watch him and realize how perfect it was to have him come into our life right when He did. Erik and I married in March 2009 and I had told Erik we could get a puppy for Christmas 2009. Within a month of being married, we heard about a litter of puppies a friend of the family was giving away (aka FREE!). It kinda intimidated me to get one so soon into marriage since it was my first pet, but since Erik grew up with English springers and he wanted a lab, I figured a free lab/springer mix was a perfect combination! More than anything, I had a peace from God about it. Tuck was born early April 2009 and we picked him up at 7 weeks or so on Memorial Day weekend. 

The reason the timing has been so perfect is that he's been our joy through all the difficulty we have faced since that day (plus we could train him as a puppy during the spring, not the winter!). I can't imagine going through any of the difficulties we've been through without our floppy eared dog by our side, always coming to comfort us or having a goofy look on his face right when we needed it.

God is good. :-) 

3. God's leading. Right when I need it the most, God shows up and reminds me that He's by my side, I'm on the right track, and as I keep following Him, He will take care of me. I'm so grateful. I can confidently follow Psalm 55:22, "Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail)." It's not always easy, but I know I can do it and God reassures me right when I need Him that He is trustworthy. 

4. Nature. We live in a beautiful world that screams the goodness of God. Such a blessing to take time to be surrounded by lakes, trees, mountains, flies (okay, not flies! They are annoying!).... Always a reminder to me that there is peace in this world and we find it in God, our Creator. 

5. Good food. I waited for a week before making this recipe last night from my Food Network magazine. http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/grilled-lasagna-recipe/index.html. Super good! I love the fresh take on lasagna. If you like Italian, you'll love this. It makes four individual lasagna servings. 

All for now! Hope you had a great 4th of July!

the seeming contradiction of Christianity

You know I think one of the biggest contradictions I face now is the contradiction of the fact I know God wants me to be blessed and prosperous on this earth... and the fact that I've lost two loved ones at way too early of an age. Plus I see lots of family members and friends struggling with health or finances... yet I know God wants to bless each and every one of His children.

I think it's a contradiction that our mental capacities will never be able to comprehend.

God can bring help and hope and some answers to comfort, but as Paul said, we see in a glass dimly on this earth. We can't see the real picture, and we won't until heaven. We have no idea how many "wheels are turning" or pieces are in play right now in addition to our lives. Plus, we're not God. We don't know what's best. The only thing we can imagine is that trials can't be best because they hurt.

But what if we are wrong and we will face some type of trials here on earth because we live in a fallen world and something like this song is true...



What if we learn best in difficulty what God has been trying to show us all along?  Perhaps it's God's best that we don't learn it through difficulty, but we're too stubborn or distracted during the good times to listen.

I don't know, but it's something I'm pondering today. I know God doesn't bring adversity and during adversity, we do everything we know to do. Sometimes, though, things happen that we don't understand and/or are out of our control, and that's what I'm talking about here. I know I've done other blog posts along this line... it's 'cuz I'm processing. :-)

P.S. I still fully believe that God wants us to live blessed lives here on earth. That thought will not change.

the ancient request for God to move

I opened up my Bible to Isaiah chapter 64 and immediately related to the sentiments written:

"Oh that you would rip open the heavens and descend
make the mountains shudder at your presence--
as when a forest catches fire,
as when fire makes a pot to boil--
to shock your enemies into facing you,
make the nations shake in their boots!" (Message)

I think if we were God and all the bad things happening around the world (and back then too) were happening, we would do exactly this. Rip the heavens open then come down and declare, "I am God! You enemies must scatter!" We would use (okay, abuse?) our godly power and make sure everyone knew how awesome we were.

That's why I think Isaiah's wish is probably echoed by many of us today... "God, just show up and make your power known so that all the bad guys will see that they are wrong, and all the good guys (us!) can cheer!"

But God is God. And obviously, He's smarter than us and abides by rules way better than we do.

Somehow in the middle of our questions, God is doing exactly what needs to be done. He knows the big picture. He knows that he handed over authority and dominion in this world to Adam... and Adam handed it over to Satan when Adam sinned. As a result, God's not going to barge in on that transaction until the time is right.

And boy, am I ready for that to happen! I'm super excited about the day I get to meet Jesus and see him be victorious and conquer the world and see evil be humbled (although I feel bad for the people who will find out they were wrong that day! so not cool for them!!).

If you aren't excited for the day Jesus comes back or you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a link that explains more about a relationship with Jesus.

By the way, Isaiah continues with some good stuff in chapter 64...

"Still, God, you are our Father.
We're the clay and you're our potter:
All of us are what you made us."

Somehow in the middle of chaos, pain, and hurt, God is still God and He knows what He's doing. We'll never understand his ways - as Isaiah says elsewhere in the book, His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts higher than our thoughts. Paul says that we see now in a glass dimly, but one day (in heaven) we'll see things much more clearly.

So that's all for now. As my best friend says, "God's still on the throne." :-) That's all we need to know!