how to help a grieving friend, part 2

Nine years ago, I wrote down some ways you can help someone who is dealing with grief (click here to read!). I started thinking about it again recently because of some dear people who have passed way too soon into heaven and my friends are grieving their loss.

I also thought about it because someone sent me something that made me remember my brother, who passed away in 2009... which is why I wanted to write how to help a grieving friend, part 2.

Here's the story... in the stack of Christmas cards I got this year, I received one from a close girlfriend. It got shoved away in my desk, so I forgot to open it until yesterday. When I did, it wasn't the normal Christmas card I expected. It said, "A gift has been made to Samaritan's Purse in your honor." Now, Samaritan's Purse is an awesome organization that I am happy to support, but it wasn't until I opened the card that I was floored.

The inside read:

I immediately cried. I hadn't seen his name written out for years. It reminded me that he was more than just a family memory. He was a real person that I used to hug and live with and make memories with. It was such a moment to treasure to just reflect on him and love on him and know that someone across the world was getting blessed because of this gift in his honor and they knew his name. 

Whoa... it blessed me!

And I wanted you to know... if you want to help a grieving friend, do something out of the ordinary and in that person's honor like this. Surprise them weeks down the road, years down the road. Write down the anniversary on your calendar. Write down a note to do something for them in the future. Do something now to let them know that you remember and care about them. 

I vividly remember nine months after Brody passed that we got a card in the mail from someone just talking about him... and it came from someone who wasn't necessarily a close friend we talked to every day! That blessed me so much! So much love and outpouring comes immediately after something happens - and yes, that stuff sticks with you too - but there's something special about someone remembering when the world has moved on. 

So if you know someone who lost a friend last year or the year before that or years or decades ago... or even last week, send them a special note. If it was a recent loss, make a note of the anniversary and send them a gift next year and the year after. Do something out of the ordinary and unexpected to show you care... it will bless them! 

Happy 2019!

So I actually have a word for the New Year!

Progress.

I've never been one much for goals, but after hearing about "words for the year" on multiple podcasts, this year, I thought of one. I just want to make progress toward the things I'd like to add/take away in my life. I know I won't be perfect, but I can make progress!

Do you have a word for 2019?

P.S. My brother Brian would have been 40 today. 40! I remember when my parents turned 40 and it was such a big deal to be "over the hill" and we gave them gag gifts and all that for their birthday, and now I'm in denial I'm getting closer to that age - and my friends are too! Crazy.

Whatever your plan for the New Year, may it also include growing closer to God. A relationship with Him is the best.

four years.

Four years.

Every year that comes, I wonder how I will commemorate the day my big brother went home to be with Jesus. This year, when Oct. 1 came, I hadn't thought much about it, and then I started to write this blog... and then I cried.

Time's a tricky thing. I remember after Brian passed and I would hear about how time healed and watch people walk through the five and ten year anniversaries and not seem as emotional as in that first year or even first moments, which I didn't ever want to be like that... but I was wrong. I am learning that every year is just as emotional as the prior year, but it comes out in different ways. Every anniversary is a chance to remember and cry and reflect and wish it had never happened... and that's okay. It's okay to miss, it's okay to love, it's okay to wish they were still here. And I do.

The anniversary and his birthday and his wedding anniversary--those special days--are all days to remember and cry... and then most of the time, when I think of Brian, I smile or laugh or just remember and wish silently, but tears don't come because life has continued and time has healed. We've moved on in life, which seems callous to say, but it isn't and it is a good thing. Brian would never have wanted me or any of my family or his friends to get stuck in the past crying over him every thought of him. He'd want us to remember his smile, his laugh, and his love for the Lord.

Thanks for my best friend, I was reminded of this story yesterday. She dropped me a note to let me know she was thinking about my family this week and then told me her favorite Brian story... so here goes.

We were at a 50th anniversary party for my extended family. Brian and I and our family cousins were sitting at the end of a long table of people. You know, the long dinner tables that have like 20 people around them and bouquets at each end as centerpieces for the table....

Wait. I should preference this story by saying I was verrrrrrry gullible when I was younger. (I still have my moments!) Brian knew this and would take full advantage of it every once in a while.

... Okay, continuing on. Somehow the conversation at the table switched to what the food was in these cute bowl-like containers at the end of each table. They were circular globs of food and kinda whitish-yellow. There wasn't one at every seat, but I must have been at the end of the table and it was relatively close to my plate. I must have said something like... "What's that?"

My brother, as grand as he is, said, "Oh, that's ice cream."

"Ice cream? Really? That's strange."

"Yeah, it's vanilla ice cream. You should take a bite."

"Well, no one else has one, so it can't be ice cream."

"Well, it's special for the people at the end of the table."

Right about now, my cousins who were sitting with us chimed in. "Yeah, you're in the special seat at the table. You should take a bite."

I was pretty doubtful that they would have ice cream just for me and the other person at the end of the table, but they must have been making some pretty convincing arguments because they finally convinced me to take a very small bite. (Peer pressure, anyone?)

And yes.... it was butter.

I still remember the feeling of that pat of butter in my teeth. I didn't take a lot, but it was definitely gross and easy to tell it wasn't the beautiful scoop of ice cream I was hoping for....

Now, don't let that taint any nice guy images you have of Brian. He was a great big brother and didn't take advantage of my gullibility all too often. Just often enough to make memories and have a story to share twenty-some years down the road. :-)

So to my big brother... I can't believe I'm 32 and you passed at 30. I wish you had stayed ahead of me paving the way through life, so I'm grateful that God blessed me at the perfect time with Erik and his family in addition to my parents, Cristina and your girls and Andrew and baby #5, your nephews Brody and Brayden, and your future niece/nephew Baby #3. You are missed, loved, and remembered often. All my love.

Happy New Year!

Today we celebrate my big brother, who would be turning 34. Yay! Happy birthday, Brian!

I feel like I write tributes often about Brian, but occasional posts about B are nothing compared to how much we think about him and miss him. :-) 

Today is a good day. It's the start of 2013... another year to grow in God, spend time with my hubby, family, and friends, and watch my little boy grow. 

I look back on 2012 fondly because every day Erik and I watched Brayden grow a little bigger, stronger, and more interactive. And that process won't stop. Amazing!

I hope you have a lot of good things coming to you in 2013, especially in your relationship with God.

Christmas memories

I have a lot of beautiful Christmas memories (and I'm excited to make more today). A few of my favorites are...

Christmas Eve night... the excitement of being halfway through our celebrations. The best night of sleep ever!

Christmas morning... walking downstairs and seeing the presents under the tree magically tripl from late Christmas Eve night to the morning. Stocking full. My parents always amazed me, even when I was older, because they must have been working late into the morning to make it happen! And if Brian or I had an extra big gift, it was often toward the front and we would get extra excited if we knew what it was.

Throughout December, Brian and I would sit in the back seat of the car when we were younger and have Christmas light sighting competitions. I really love remembering that now. Makes me smile. Every house with lights would be a point. I think if one person counted a house, the other couldn't, but I don't remember exactly. I think he always beat me, but that's okay. I think that was normal. ;-)

I wonder what the Christmas memories were for the shepherds, Mary, Joseph... everyone involved with the first Christmas story of Jesus being born. I wonder if the shepherds and wise men thought, "I wonder what happened to that 'newborn king.'" I wonder if they thought they had dreamed the whole thing or that they misheard because Jesus was a king because he essentially wasn't heard from for 12 and then 18 more years. I mean, people knew about him, but I think he just became a "regular" baby in "regular" life over those years of growing up.

I think remembering the first Christmas had to have been something that each one of them should have--and probably did--regularly... remembering the "magic" of the moment, the thrill of the angels singing, the moment Mary heard she was going to be with child, the moment Jesus was born, his first cry... all those things that made that night extra special can easily be forgotten in the humdrum moments of living, but those are the things that set Jesus apart and made Him so special to us and the world.

The same should be true for us: remember the God-given special moments. The moments in His presence. The moments our lives are changed. The Christmas morning we celebrate year after year... everything that has created us to be who we are today...no matter how normal our lives can get with the day-to-day sleeping, eating, playing, working, God has been at work in our lives. I remember that today and smile.

life's lime wedge

I've never been much of a soda drinker. I like soda/pop/Coke (whatever you prefer to call it) and will drink it on occasion, but generally, I'm a water drinker. Although, if I'm getting deep dish meaty pizza, that is often the perfect time for a nice cold glass of root beer.

I do know a lot of ladies at my church who love soda and drink soda, but they are very particular about their kind: Diet Coke with lime. (I'm picturing it with a lime wedge!) Not Coke. Not Pepsi. Not DC with lemon. Diet Coke with lime. Must be the particular taste the lime adds to the DC that makes it taste perfect. Since I know more than one person who has recommended that, I'm sure it tastes good! (I'm picturing it adds zest kinda like the lime you squirt onto Chipotle burritos - yum!)

Hungry yet? 

Well, that whole "lime wedge" thing came to mind in an interesting way today. I was getting ready for the day and lamenting how much I didn't feel like a Christian at the moment. To be honest, I've had a very up and down time since Brian and Brody passed about coming and spending time with the Lord. My individual time with Him has been scattered, because approaching Him one on one can be intimidating after you did so for so long and got such a strange result. 

I feel like my life has been redefined by Brian and Brody and I can't shake the feeling that I'm different because I lost these family members so early in life... and at times, I don't always know how to reconcile that with my relationship with God. (Some days are better than others!)

This morning, God reminded me that it isn't about what I feel. I might not feel like a Christian, but that's okay because it's not about me. God created me to be wholly me. My faults, my flaws, my family, my everything is who God made me to be. Even this off/on struggle with prayer is part of me. Granted there is an enemy in the world who is working to use me against me... if that makes any sense. But whether or not I feel like a Christian because I'm doing this or that doesn't change the fact that I am one. My beliefs about God and Jesus hasn't changed and my beliefs about who He is and what He has done for me hasn't changed. Sometimes my actions change because I make choices that aren't the best, but other days I make choices that are better. (Generally speaking, these are all choices that are relatively small, like did I read my Bible today or take too long working or not listen to enough worship music)

What has changed is my life. It's okay to be affected by death--there's no way around it. My family dynamic has forever been changed--both for good and for bad! Brian and Brody, of course, are the "bad" changes since they aren't here anymore, but Josh (Cristina's husband), Brayden, and Andrew are a few of the good changes. That, as I thought about it this morning, is my "lime wedge." My life was going along swimmingly and then I got this lime wedge handed to me. Tragedy. It stinks. I had a choice and I continue to have a choice on how this lime wedge of life will affect me. Will I suck on the lime wedge and have a stinky face because life is so sour? Will I let the lime wedge sit by glass of Coke and do nothing, perhaps in the hope that ignoring it will make the lime wedge disappear? Or will I squeeze the lime wedge into my Coke and let a new zingy flavor of my life unfold before me? 

I'm sitting here crying as I'm watching this words get typed out before me... this blog makes sense and is  encouraging me while just fifteen minutes ago I was thinking, "I'm a horrible Christian!" God uses everything for good. And it's not about what I feel. It's about what I know and walking that out and letting the feelings follow. 

As my pastor friend said during the whole time Brian was sick, God is faithful. That will never change. He is more faithful than the circumstances that we can validate naturally every day. God is more faithful than everything we see, and even though we can't see Him, we cling to that truth that He will always turn lime wedges into zests of life squeezed into our drink, if we dare to pick them up and embrace them as the flaws that make up our life. 

It's not about me. It's not about us. It's about God and Him using us to bring this world back to Him. 

(P.S. I did a quick image search for Coke with lime and apparently it's more than a lime wedge and a glass of Coke....)

happy new year!

Happy 2012! And happy birthday to my brother, Brian! He would have been 33 years old today. Now he's hanging out in heaven and maybe he's getting a heavenly birthday cake - I bet that's some amazing cake and frosting! :-) Here are a couple pics of my family from a few years ago. I have a ton of cute ones of me and Brian, but I don't think they are in electronic format yet.

Brian, I love you dearly and miss you! I think about you and I am grateful that I know we'll meet again one day in heaven. Yahoo! You'll be healthy and wonderful and we'll be hanging out together worshiping Jesus. That sounds amazing. Take care of my little boy up there. Say hi to Grandma. Love you much!

Just last night I told Erik that 2012 is going to be a much more active year than 2011... both thanks to our baby Brayden. 2011 was filled with bedrest... 2012 will be filled with taking care of baby. Exciting! I am looking forward to seeing what this next chapter of our lives looks like!

I hope you have a wonderful New Year and that it is filled with God's blessings and abundant grace in your life. :-)  

quick update!

Hi everyone!

I've started blog drafts and thought about writing many times over the past weeks/days, but obviously, I've been quiet on here for a while.

Just thought I'd check in and let you know that everything is going aok. :-) Baby is healthy and I'm still on bedrest so baby can stay healthy in me and not come early. Erik, my family, and friends have all been amazing as they help take care of me when I'm off my feet.

Slowly but surely I'm pulling together baby registry stuff and realizing how much stuff you need to take care of a kiddo! Yikes!

Yesterday, we celebrated my brother Brian's two year anniversary in heaven. Amazing how time flies. Erik and I visited Brody and Brian at the cemetery, and it was peaceful and beautiful. A nice bittersweet moment... we actually both thought the same thing at the same time while there: "It's still kinda surreal." And that it is. Hard to imagine that Brian went through what he went through and he's not here anymore, and that we and Brody went through what we went through. Definitely wish it could be different, but since it isn't, we do our best to keep moving on.

I'm SO grateful that I know I'll see them again in heaven. I can't imagine dealing with grief without that hope of eternity and seeing them again. (If you don't have hope of eternity, visit www.needhim.com.)

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog. I'm amazed by all the page views and hope that somehow my ramblings and life stories encourage you in your own journey.

Hugs.

Laura

I'm entering my thirties...

Yep. It's true. I've entered my thirties. I told my dad I feel like an official adult now. :-)

I think I have the whole birthday thing easy because my hubby and BFF and a lot of other friends of mine all turned 30 before me, so by the time my birthday comes, I'm already used to being thirty! (Although, yes, I do mention my young age to them throughout the month/year of them being officially older than me!)

I'm also 19 weeks along today. It was a little strange this morning to realize that my mom was pregnant 30 years ago today about to deliver me and now I'm 19 weeks along and will deliver a beautiful baby boy/girl in January! Crazy! :-) Seasons of life, huh?

Everything seems to be going well for my pregnancy. The doc said it would be very obvious if anything dangerous or bad happened post-surgery that would cause things to go awry. That's helped me mentally, because everything has seemed normal. I haven't been without my mental battles as I approach the time Brody was delivered last time, but I do remember that if I have a certain instinct of what I'm feeling, I'm probably right. God created ladies to have babies and He gives them that "motherly instinct" of what is going on in their bodies. I have to trust that instinct.

Next week we get a sneak peek at baby B (Brielle or Brayden) during our 20-week ultrasound. I am so looking forward to that day! We'll find out if we're having Brielle or Brayden and then I'll officially be past the timing of when my water broke with Brody. Yay! That will be a huge relief for me.

By the way, Erik and I didn't intentionally want to have a tongue twister family... Brody, Brielle, Brayden... those are the kids' names we like right now. As my family gets used to the names, they are already getting them a little jumbled, as I'm sure Erik and I will. But there was a reason for each of those names and we love them all!! When Erik and I first heard Brielle a few years ago, we loved it and immediately wanted to name our daughter that (even though we weren't close to being pregnant yet!). Then Brody was named in honor of Brian, and then Brayden is named in honor of Brody. We love all the names, plus it's a nice theme that I think reflects my brother and son nicely. Yay!

Anyhoo, off I go to see if I can get some work done outside. Thank you for all the birthday well-wishes and prayers for my family. I appreciate it! :-)

it's time to pray...

 

I love this picture. There's something so beautiful about the fact that everything stopped on this night so they could pray. I want my prayers to be the same way... concentrated time with Him with the sweet innocence of a child. :-) 

update on Brian's family

Hey Everyone,

I was thinking some of you might appreciate an update on Cristina and the girls (my brother's family). They are doing well. Cristina got married this past August to a wonderful guy named Josh. He's been awesome taking care of my brother's family and really making them his own family while preserving and cherishing memories of Brian. (Thank you, Josh! You have no idea what that means to me and my parents!) We got a video on Brian's birthday of the girls singing happy birthday to daddy. It was absolutely precious! They are now farther away from us, which stinks, but technology helps us stay a little closer through pictures and Skype.

Here are some latest pics of the girls that my mom took when she visited them recently. (from top to bottom - Chloe, Angelica, and Julia)

I think my parents and I will agree. We are so happy and thankful to God that Cristina and the whole fam is settled and doing well. God is taking care of them just as he is taking care of us. I think Brian would proud of them as well.

Hugs~

P.S. Too bad Brian can't just post pics of Brody right now since they are together. Oh well. I'll have to be patient and wait until heaven.

happy new year!

1-11-11

Another year is upon us. CRAZY! I love what Erik's aunt posted on my wall a couple months ago. "You will hold [Brody] again soon. Time has a way of going fast. I think the Lord sometimes does that for a reason. That way we can see our loved ones again and know that the ones we left behind will be joining us again before long."

I love that! Thanks, Aunt Darlene!

Today is also Brian's birthday! Happy 32nd, big brother! Not sure if they celebrate earth birthdays in heaven, but we are thinking of you with love. Fun memory: last night my dad played an audio clip of me when I was about 2 years old and he was asking me to say a bunch of different words. I used to call my brother "Bah-gie" instead of Brian. Not sure why... Brian seems much easier to say!

So on this tape (which Dad turned into an mp3) Dad would say to me, "Say morning!" And I'd say "Morning!" It went something like this:

Say Brian "Bri... Br... "Bah- gie"
No, say Brian "Bri... Br... "Bah-gie"
No, Brian "Nooooo...(I was very frustrated!) Bah-gie."
"Martha" (my mom's name) "Mar... Mar... Mommy."
"Morning" "Morning!"
"Night-night" "Night-night!"
"Brian" "Bah-gie."

My Uncle Craig took up calling Brian "Bahgie" for years after I learned how to say Brian. Brian didn't like it very much, but grew to tolerate it. Heh heh... he can't stop me right now, so Happy Birthday, Bahgie!

Ahh, Brian was such a wonderful brother! So glad he's my family. Yay!

Oh another cool note about today ... I just found out my friends, Noah and Shamim Buck, are celebrating 11 years of being together today. They met on 1-11-00 at the turn of the millennium and are celebrating 11 years together on 1-1-11. Love it!

I had a lot of different thoughts run through my head today about what I should post regarding the New Year. As I was reading my Bible, I came to a section that I thought would be perfect. No matter how much adversity you face, always remember this:

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, 'For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.') No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39, NLT)

Happy New Year and always remember God loves each one of us!

more about monday

Brody has the honor of being buried right near my brother. My great-great-grandfather purchased the plot over 100 years ago. Crazy that it's being helpful to us so many years later. When we had the service, since it was snowing, we couldn't see any of the grave markers. I was really happy when my dad uncovered Brian's grave marker during the service. I said, "There he is!" :) It made me happy walking up to the grave that my brother was going to be there.

The little casket had something very special on it: a heart that said "loved and cherished." I love that. Very special to me.

Last night I was pondering the phrase from Psalm 23 "the valley of the shadow of death." I used to think that meant death wouldn't come to Christians because it was only a shadow. After thinking through some things (including Brody's passing and Brian's passing), I wonder if that means that death will come and affect you as a Christian and a child in God's care, but it's only a shadow of what death really feels like.

Think about what a shadow is: it's an outline of something, but it has no harm attached to it. That "thing" it is a shadow of is there, but the shadow is harmless (except if you are a photographer and it is blocking your sunlight!). Shadows don't hurt. They have no sting. (See 1 Corinthians 15:55.)

For Christians, death hurts because its presence means the absence of something else, but thanks to God, death is only a shadow of what it could be because Jesus defeated it on the cross when He made way for us to have eternal life with God. Death does bring hurt, but as David explained in Psalm 23, even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't have to fear evil because God is with us. His rod and his staff (shepherd's tools) will comfort us.

 I like that a lot. 

I'm sure musings from Monday will continue to come, but for now, I'll head on to other things... one reason I love my family is because they surround you with fun at just the right time. On Monday after Brody's service, we had food and shared stories and a ton of laughs and then made Danish pastry in the kitchen, thanks to my mother-in-law and her recipe. It was delish and definitely not lo-cal. Yay for good food!

We also had fun doing ballet and clogging and singing... oh the things you do with family (and I don't think I'm supposed to share that on a blog that can be seen by anyone!!! Heh heh...). Oh and the guys were there, but we didn't get their picture while they watched the Vikings not do well. Erik did help make the Danish pastry, although we didn't take his picture. He's an amazing husband who thoroughly enjoys helping bake and cook. He actually did most of the work of rolling out the pastry dough - thank you, honey!

On another fun note, my sis-in-law, JoLynn, stayed in town for the next couple days and we headed to the dollar theater to see Megamind on Tuesday. I'd maybe rate it a 2 out of 4 stars. It was rather predictable and reminded me of The Incredibles and other such movies quite often. It had an original twist to the movie, of course, which is why it was made. I have some random thoughts on that movie, which I think I'll post another time.

Hugs to you and may God bless your day and this Christmas week.

where strength comes from

Stumbled across this video. I've seen it before, but thought I'd share it today. I know God didn't "take" Brody or "take" Brian as some people might say if they were in a similar situation (and I think the songs says too), but both things did happen... so I need strength to deal with them. 





Some verses I've been drawing strength from:

Eph. 6:10 (Amp.) "In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides]."

Phil. 4:13 (Amp.) "I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]."

back to reality?

It's starting to sink in that reality is returning, and I'm not sure that I like it. I remember going through this after Brian passed. It's so hard to get back into a regular routine and see life happen as normal all around you when you've just had a big tragedy happen. You want to stop and scream, "Something horrible happened in my life!"

I'm grateful that I'm not alone in this feeling. I know it's completely normal to think like this, and right now I don't have those feelings quite as intense as they were with Brian. I think it's because I know life will return to normal, but it's a new normal. Something has changed in Erik and I and Brody's life will always be a part of us. In fact, one of our desires is to have Brody's life keep speaking here on earth, even though he is in heaven.

The only way to really deal with these feelings of "Ack! Reality!" is by taking it slow, one day at a time. I still have an official three more weeks before my body gets back to pre-pregnancy, so I do need to be aware of that. I also need to know that even though reality is returning, I can still heal. It's okay to cry and have moments of processing my grief. I just can't wallow in it!

I'm reminded of something that happened to me years ago after I had gone through a bit of difficulty and was having a bunch of bad days in a row. I was taking the bus to my internship at the time and I looked around at all the people who were in the bus with me. I thought, "How many of these people are going through something traumatic right now and no one knows because they have to get back into reality?"

How many times have I criticized how someone was acting not realizing that their mom just died or they just finalized a divorce or something tragic just happened? Obviously, you can't justify sin because of someone's grief, but you can give them grace for a bad attitude or an imperfect response to your question. Everyone is facing difficulties. Even though our difficulty is the most obvious one to us, always remember to give people a lot of grace for they might be going through something difficult too.

By the way, I know that there aren't any good words to say about what just happened to Erik and me, and that's okay. If you want to ask how I'm doing next time I see you, that's okay. If you want to ask about Brody, that's okay too. If you don't want to say anything at all, that's okay. Here's a link to that blog I mentioned in another post where she talked about how to help a grieving friend. I haven't read all of it, but the parts I did read helped a lot. Maybe it will help you too - not just for this situation, but for any situation where one of your friends is grieving.
http://mollypiper.com/2008/03/how-to-help-your-grieving-friend/

God is with me and God is with you, even in our grief. Hugs.

Brody's name

I just looked at my past blogs and realized that I never posted about our 19-week ultrasound, so I want to backtrack a little. Erik and I REALLY wanted a boy. We both had good experiences with older brothers -- he loved being the older brother and protecting his sister and I loved having an older brother. I ALWAYS wanted to have a boy first because of Brian.

Within the first few moments of the ultrasound, the technician asked if we wanted to know the gender. We immediately said yes. Well, within a few moments, we saw clearly that it was a boy. It was super funny because the moment came and went so quickly that I had to blink and blink again then look at Erik a few minutes later and mouth, "We're having a boy! Ack!"

I was SO excited. I think one of my favorite parts was the fact that my brother, Brian, would have a little boy who could be named after him. It just seemed right to have his name carried on somehow. We had been thinking about names for a few months. We had debated a few different options because we wanted a unique name, but I did like the idea of honoring Brian somehow.

I knew I couldn't name my baby, Brian, for a first name because that would be too weird to have a Brian in my house. When we came across the name Brody, Erik and I didn't immediately throw out the name. Something about it stuck, and we kept going back to it. We considered some middle names to put with it, and when we paired it with my dad's name, it seemed perfect. Brody Mark Wegener. The reason it was perfect is because my brother's name was Brian Mark Baker. Brody Mark seemed like the perfect way to honor my brother because the name was similar to his, but unique, and it honored my dad at the same time, who played a huge part in Brian's life, especially as Brian walked through the last few years here on earth.

I looked up what Brody meant and found out it meant muddy waters or something funny like that, but then in one specific language it meant brothers, which again just made me think of Brian. 

Oh and on a fun note, the initials of Brody Mark Wegener are BMW. :-) Both Erik and Brian LOVE cars and BMWs and fast cars and cool cars. I figured we'd nickname him Beamer. Heh heh... Uncle Brian is probably calling him Beamer up in heaven or something!!!

Anyway, after we made all the phone calls to family that we were having a boy, we looked at each other and decided Brody Mark Wegener would be the perfect name for him. So glad we decided that. I love the name and it's perfect for our little boy.

Hugs to you, Brody. I miss you and love you! Tell Uncle Brian I said hi and love him and that he needs to take good care of you! Also, tell Jesus that I love Him. So glad you are with Him. He'll take the best care of you.

The passing of a milestone

Hi there.

I'm working, but I have so many thoughts running through my head, I thought I'd take a moment to write them out.

Overall, last week was a rough week. It went really well given the circumstances, but I can tell from the stress my body had throughout the week that it wasn't easy as we remembered Brian's passing last Tuesday. Erik and I visited his grave on Wednesday and were very blessed to see how gorgeous the cemetery is with the fall leaves and how beautiful Brian's marker is. It was a really special moment to be there.

Of course, having the story-oriented mind that I do, I knew we were racing against the clock due to heavy traffic on our way over there. The cemetery closed at 7 p.m. My mind was imagining all the funny (and not-so-funny) stories that would come if we got locked in the cemetery overnight! Okay, sounds funny and slightly morbid, but it brought me a smile in a sad time.

It was really special when we got there because after Erik encouraged me to talk to Brian a bit, Erik said, "Well, aren't you going to tell him?" It took me a minute. Then I realized that I needed to tell him he was going to be an uncle! I knew he already knew, but it was a special moment to tell him in person. I really wish my kids could have met Brian, but we have lots of good stories to tell about him and how wonderful he was, and I know our kids will have lots of people surrounding them who will tell stories too.

When I think about being sad that Brian's not here for my kids, I'm simply grateful he was here to meet Erik and see me get married. Personally, I don't think he would have left if he didn't know for sure I was taken care of. Of course, I wish Erik could have known him better and when he wasn't as sick, but I'm grateful they met and spent some time together.

Making it through last week has definitely lessened my stress levels/emotions... which is good because I have a baby in me to take care of!

On a lighter topic, I bought bedding for our nursery recently! I absolutely love it. And no, it's not blue or pink. We'll find out what we're having in a few weeks. It's pale green and yellow with hints of pinks/purples/blues/oranges and a jungle theme. A shout out to my mom-in-law and sis-in-law who accidentally got our baby similar looking pale yellow giraffes (stuffed animals)... that started the whole jungle theme idea! Excited to put it up, but until it's a little closer, my wonderful mother has it stashed away in my old bedroom (the grandkids room).

Odd... my brain is racing between making time for God, planning dinners and lunches, baby showers, daily schedules, a baby coming, and Christmas lists! Yikes! :-)

Thank you for all the love you've poured out on me and my family throughout this past week. It was overwhelming and very helpful and supportive. I appreciate you, my support system, more than you may know!

God first. Life second.

I feel like I'm finally settling down into a new rhythm of life. Part of that comes from the fact that Cristina has settled down with a new husband. Another part comes from the fact that I'm starting to renew my relationship with God.

Don't get me wrong. My relationship with God has always been there, but the time and desire I put into it has slowly been coming back, really as God has been healing my heart. I know I'm not all there yet; a lot has gone on over the past few years. It's okay to take time to heal. But I am getting there, and it's refreshing to know that.

I think in the ever-changing, ever-busy society we live in, we always have to keep rethinking how we come to God--not for His sake, but for our sake. I'm talking from a practical perspective--reading your Bible, praying, listening to podcasts. We have to strive to continually keep our personal relationship with God fresh. What can you do that will help you connect with Him throughout the day?


Here's what I mean... When I was single, talking to God and worshiping in the card was my favorite. When I started to work from home, I didn't have as much alone time in the car, and that was especially true after I got married. That means I needed to find a new time to pray and think. When Erik and I got Tucker, walking the dog suddenly became the perfect opportunity to pray and sort out my thoughts.


I think it's important for us not to miss the ever-changing nature of life.

And, no, I'm not telling you to fit God into your crazy, busy life. It's more like "how you can fit more of God into your life?" As your life changes, your answer to that will change.

Funny. Since I'm a writer, I thought a blog would be a great place to write... when it's turning out more to be a place for me to ramble. :)


And oh yeah... the look of my blog has changed because the focus of my life has changed. The storm of my brother's death has waned and I'm looking ahead to the future.

a chapter closed

Well, it's taken a while to write, and I plead mixed emotions and an uncertainty of what to say.... I know, it's funny a writer should have that problem!

Good things have happened though... Cristina got married! YAY! I'm so excited for her to have that stability and love in her life. Such a blessing, especially since her family of three girls is a busy one! She married someone she has known for a long time; he's actually an acquaintance of our family as well. (I went to school with him!) Josh Harty is his name, and he's a stand-up guy. Solid in the Lord, great with the girls, loves Cristina.

What a great equation, huh?

My family and I are truly happy for her. I've had the thought a lot of times... it could have been a much more difficult scenario where she met someone we didn't know and then both her family and my family would have had a "learning curve" as we got to know him. This has been a blessing because as soon as  I saw Josh and Cristina together, I was at peace. He was a good fit to help take care of Brian's wife and Brian's girls. He won't try to take over his place, but he'll do his part as a new person in that role while helping them remember Brian.

It will be good. It IS good.

All that being said, the past few months have been emotional for my family. We've definitely been excited for her, but nervous to close that chapter of life. Now, a week after the wedding, I think we all are breathing a sigh of relief that we can now move on and Cristina is safely taken care of.

I hope that makes sense. To many people, a marriage so fast after a passing of a spouse can seem crazy, especially when you don't know the new spouse. But don't worry. It is a good thing.

So a new chapter opens in our lives and in Cristina's. She and the girls will be living in northern Florida with Josh. The two of them are down there getting settled. My parents and Cristina's parents are taking care of the girls for another week, mainly because my mom's side of the family is having a big reunion next week and she'd like the girls to be there. A few days after that (actually on Erik's 30th birthday!), my mom will take the girls down to Florida.

It stinks that they'll be extra far away now, but Cristina will do her best to keep us in touch with the girls--which is definitely a huge blessing.

I think that's enough of an update for now. Please agree with me for Erik's continued healing and divine health in his body. We still haven't gotten the "breakthrough" we need for him to be completely free from this sickness that is plaguing him. I think we're close, but strength is definitely needed as we keep going until he gets completely better!


All for now!

Six months (or so) later...

I MISS BRIAN!!!! All of us miss him a LOT and wish we didn't need to wait until heaven to see him again. That goes for me, my parents, Cristina, our grandparents, Cristina's family. Cristina's had some hard days missing him - I can't even imagine!!!

I've had some good hard cries recently about it. It's starting to sink in that he's gone for life on earth and our life continues. Our family life is adjusting as we try to figure out this new dynamic. It stinks. :( I'm glad I do have a wonderful family though through it all.

I laughed at the thoughts going through my head during one of my recent cries.... I was at church and Keve came up for the offering song and as I heard the first notes I thought, Oh no, is this the song [that was played at Brian's funeral]? And I was desperately hoping it wasn't!!! I was tempted to leave the room so I didn't have to hear it. It just fits Brian's scenario so well that all I do is think of him when it is played. And sure enough as the chorus came around I started bawling feeling like I was crying slightly against my will!!! Erik was out of town, so thankfully my good high school friend was sitting next to me and she looked at me and knew what was going on. She let me sit there and hold her and cry it out! But the thought that made me laugh is I was considering asking Pastor Tim to never play that song again  or at least let me know so I could skip church if they sang it again! I know crying is good, but I just laughed because I slightly blamed them for making me cry!:-)

They say that we have to make sure we grieve Brian well. Okay, that's well and good to say, but how do we grieve well??? "It's different for every person" is most likely the cliche that follows, so I figure for me, I remember. I talk about him. I'm glad for all of you who have listened and talked to him about me. I cry when I need to, and gradually I think that will be the grieving process for me. Oh and I ask questions and deal with those faith questions as best as I can when they come. I'll put aside what I can't answer and trust, but face those questions without burying them (as much as possible!).

Oh and if you knew Brian and you ever think of him for whatever reason, can you call/email/text/facebook me and let me know? That will make me very happy. April did that for me recently and it made my day. I think it helps knowing other people think of him too.

And just so you know, black and white words on a screen can't convey feeling, and although I'm ranting a little, I feel like I'm doing okay overall. It's insane how much I miss him some days, but those feelings come and go. Still a lot to learn.

One of my friend's grandmas passed away and she actually is singing the same song I Will Rise at the funeral today. I was happy to be able to post a little bit of what I've learned on her facebook wall. Good will come out of this in little ways like that.

I'll post about Erik soon. If you think of him, please pray for encouragement and hope, and then his continued healing.

Thanks for your love and prayers. I appreciate it more than you know.