living life... making memories

Ahhhh, Brayden. You are such a joy in our lives. You decided to give us a break and not walk by yourself until the week following your 18-month birthday. Since you've taken that turn for freedom, it seems like you've skyrocketed from a little baby to a little boy. Crazy!

You love puzzles... and have already put together many electronic puzzles and puzzle pieces. You watched mommy and daddy do it, and then figured out how to drag and drop the pieces into the puzzle. That puzzle piece recognition moved over into regular puzzles soon, and even though you easily get frustrated if you can't get the puzzle piece in, we encourage you to keep trying and you get it.

You love to eat... the only problem with that is you're not the best at knowing how big of a bite to take. Many a times we've not been able to give you the next bite you want (or we remove food from your plate) until you finish chewing the gob that is already in your mouth. We were at Davanni's with Grandma and Grandpa and we had all finished eating... and you slowly worked your way through at least a piece and a half of pizza, if not more. But, even though we were sure you had to be full, you saw the one lone piece of crust sitting on the table and could not leave it there. You begged for it "Eh... eh..." while pointing your finger, and mommy caved. Since you couldn't get it torn with your teeth, you shoved the whole thing in your mouth. Now... most of us adults couldn't keep from laughing, but we also had to remove it from your mouth, which made you very upset. We took that as a cue that our dinner was over and headed to the car.

You love sitting in the driver's seat of the truck and car and playing with all the buttons. You are slowly starting to form words, but you communicate pretty well what you want. Your "eh.... eh... eh" is adorable and I know that we'll miss it when you can talk. You say "Dada" and "Momma" ... a little bit of "uh oh" ... you're working on "hello" and "all done" and a few others.

Here's a couple recent moments that cracked me up.

I was waiting for Mackenzie to come and give you breakfast in your high chair... there was just a little cereal left in this box, so I was holding the box open for you until you decided to take it. After you took it, you couldn't figure out how to get the cereal again.....

Your use of utensils is getting better and better. I just love watching you. :-) 

You love the iPad, you love watching yourself on videos and looking at pictures of us. Any time you see a pic of our family you stop, point, and say "Eh!"

You looooooove Tucker and he's probably the one who still gets you to giggle and laugh the hardest, especially when he gets the zooms and runs like crazy around the house. You love it! And you try to give him hugs, which he sometimes accepts and sometimes casually walks away from. Last night while daddy was cleaning Tucker's ears, you went over and petted him and happily laid your head down on him.

You love having something in your hand... been that way since your first ultrasound, so it seems!... and you will walk around the house with random toys (and then leave them in random places). It's pretty cute. You also walk around with food in your hand that you eat slowly or you are just holding onto for a rainy day. Tucker then follows you around like crazy. Sometimes you hold onto food for 10+ minutes, and occasionally, Tucker gets lucky, like the time you tripped and fell with graham crackers in your hand. Tucker's patience was rewarded and I think you were too distracted with falling to realize he ate your snack.

You love graham crackers and recognize the box and what it inside. You already love Mackenzie, your nanny while we are waiting for baby #3. Your smile melts us all. You are very detailed and love books.

Well, that's all for now... more stories to come later. Love you dearly, little one.

parenting, the speed of time, and Cheaper by the Dozen 2

Yes, I just teared up watching Cheaper by the Dozen 2... and yes, I decided I may keep it around on our DVR for the next six months just in case I need to be reminded of what's coming in January. (The oldest daughter has her baby boy at the end!)

It made me tear up for a lot of different reasons, probably mainly the pregnancy hormones... but I really like the picture of a family it presents. You can't over-parent or your kid will go bonkers, but you love and cherish every moment and let go as they grow older. And I know Brayden is only 1 1/2, but I know how quickly 1 1/2 came... and how time continues to tick by. I just want to enjoy the moments and love my family with everything I have.

I also love that two mom-and-dad homes are prominent in the movie, one of which the marriage has lasted probably 20-30 years and they are still in love with each other. The morals, although still "American," are so much better than what is presented in today's movies. It makes me think it's almost "classic." I know... a movie from ten years ago, classic? Definitely not in the sense of 1950's classic, but there's something about the family morals and values presented that I desperately wish was still presented in media today. A mom and dad... kids who are just kids... humor that isn't bathroom humor or crass... just good, old-fashioned entertainment.

Anyhoo, this wasn't meant to be a post all about media. I'm pondering this whole time-going-by and parenting thing as I watch Brayden get to know our nanny who is helping out while I can't lift him. He already loves her and has developed a relationship with her, and it's a little weird to watch. I can say (as many mommy t-shirts probably say), I will always be his first love. We share a bond that no one else can have... and he will develop different "bonds" with different people.

It makes me think back to the special place in my heart that all the kids I babysat I have... particular the neighborhood families I took care of. I still love those children like they were my own. It makes me realize it's okay to share Brayden.

Now, it might sound silly to write all this down, but as a blogger, I "tip my hand" a little just in case sharing what I feel helps someone else.

I get to share Brayden a lot during this time of bedrest... and some days that's hard, some days that isn't. Brayden has plenty of love and smiles to go around, so I always know I can have special time with him, even if I can't carry him upstairs or lift him into his crib or car seat. I will get to do all that again in six months. Yes, he will be older and it stinks that I'm missing out on putting him to bed for so long, but that has to be okay. I'm learning to enjoy this time with him in a different way.

I think I'm sitting back and watching him more.... He's grown so much in the past month... he's learning life like crazy. I just look at him and think, "He's not a baby any more. He's a little boy!"

I'm looking forward to the future. As I watched the movie tonight, I just thought, I love my family... all six of us... Erik, me, Brody, Brayden, Tucker, and baby number next.

This is exactly the place I want to be.

accessing God's place of safety

So I'm a few days into my journey of patience until baby #3 and I'm already remembering the difficulties and finding new ones. I'm sure I'll expound on them soon, but overall, I'm doing well and taking it one day at a time.

I read this verse last night and have been pondering it.

Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. (Pr. 29:25)

I looked up these words in blueletterbible.com and found out that word safety means to be high or in an inaccessible city. The root word is sometimes translated as exalted. To me, that means when you trust God, you are lifted above what you are facing to an inaccessible place of safety. You look down and watch God take care of the situations you see with your eyes. In such a high place, you don't actually deal with it; you let God deal with it.

It's interesting that comes right after fearing people. The Message Bible puts it this way: "The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that." 

I often find myself looking to man's opinion and making sure that they approve of what I do to help me know I'm on the right track, but that isn't always good. I think it has its place, but it cannot be the compass by which you dictate your life. Trusting in God takes you beyond needing man's approval. You're in that high city where God is ruler and you're trusting Him to help you make it through each day.

I like that. :-)

number three is on the way!

It's crazy to believe I'm in the middle of my third pregnancy! Baby number three is coming January 20, 2014. Yippeee!!! We are absolutely thrilled.

For those of you who don't know, we only have one baby here on earth (Brayden), but we have one (our first) hanging out in heaven (Brody) So by the natural eye, it's baby number two, but really, it's baby number three. And when I still look at Brayden, he's not my oldest. He's my middle child. :-) I like feeling that because that means Brody hasn't left my heart, but will always be a part of the family. I do have to sometimes remember, though, that for all Brayden knows and acts like right now, he is an only child! We've told him about Brody and baby 3, but that doesn't change that he's used to all the attention!

It's kinda fun... Brayden was due on January 23 and Baby 3 is due January 20. That means they'll be pretty much exactly two years apart. Brayden came on January 11... we'll see when Baby 3 makes his/her appearance. Could be the exact same day! Wouldn't that be crazy! 

This time around, I think we are going to wait to find out if we're having a boy or girl. We desperately wanted a boy as our oldest, and we got doubly blessed with our two boys... but as to another boy or girl, I don't know that we have a preference, so why not wait for the surprise? Fun! 

Now, because of what happened with Brody (you can read that story here), the day after the 4th, I had the same procedure (cerclage) done I did with Brayden. Basically, baby got stitched in to help him/her stay put until January. That means I will be on "light activity/bedrest" through January. Why? The reason Brody came early was the pressure he put on my cervix and my cervix couldn't handle it. The stitch helps, but the less pressure I put on it with activity (and the growing baby) the better for keeping baby safe and snug inside. 

Last time we weren't one hundred percent sure I'd need the surgery, so it snuck up on us and we also had a lot of bad memories associated with pregnancy ending badly. This time, we were prepared in advance for knowing I'd be out of commission for doing much plus we have a picture of the reward we will have in our arms when this journey is through! We also hired a nanny who will help with Brayden throughout the week, and Erik and my family and friends will all be pitching in to help cover other times. (I can't lift Brayden at all... bummer!) I've also been able to mentally prepared with making the most of my pre-surgery time. All of this is verrrry good, even though a little intimidating to have six months of low activity staring you in the face! 

There's a good chance I'll be blogging more since I'll be hanging out on the sofa much, so you'll probably be hearing from me more often as I journey through this... and then once baby comes, I probably won't be on here as much! Funny how that works....

Now a side note... I've had a few questions (and have asked them myself) about if I would have to go through bedrest again... and I've thought, "Couldn't I pray and believe God for healing and a different path this time?" Yes, I certainly could, but a couple factors play into our decision to go ahead with the same path as last time. First, I would have to beg and plead and have an extremely good reason to decline surgery for my doctor to approve it... and I still don't think she would! She wants us to have a healthy baby too! The cerclage helps make that possible. Second, I know that prayers for healing need to have faith behind it... and not that I couldn't have faith, but as a hormonal, pregnant mom who has lost her first son through pregnancy just by being pregnant and living life... it's not a "faith battle" that I want to fight on a daily basis. I'd rather have the proactive safety of my doctor's help through surgery and laying low. And I'm okay with that!

So there's my story! Another chapter is being written, and we are excited for the future.

will real "love" please stand up?

I've heard the word "love" misused a lot lately.

This is very frustrating to me because Christians and non-Christians alike seem to innately associate the word "love" with God, but then they supply their own definition of the word "love" and supply the same definition to God.

It doesn't work that way.

God is love. That is a true, biblical statement. For you to associate "love" with God is absolutely correct.

But when you assume that "love" equals "accepting" and you assume that what you choose to accept is what God must choose to accept because He is "love"... that's wrong.

God already has created His standards and shown what true love is. He is the first definition of love... and His definition of love is multi-faceted. It includes mercy, grace, and judgment. It includes correction and discipline of His children and a high standard against anything evil. That's the God I serve, and you see it all throughout the Bible.

Lately, though, although we use the word "love" to describe our "love" of peanut butter, ice cream, and our family and friends, the "love" we ascribe to God isn't a passionate love. America has seemed to replace the "love" of God with the "acceptance" of God. He accepts anyone all the time and in every way and he accept people in every situation... even if it's against His Word.

Now, here's the thing. God is accepting and accepts everyone who comes to Him for help and salvation, and as Christians, we should do the exact same thing. When someone comes to us for help, we receive them, and we accept them just the way they are.

Here's the other thing... if they aren't coming to us for help, we are called to love them, but we don't need to accept and approve (and dare I say, legalize) their sinful lifestyles. No matter your opinion, my God has not and will never "legalize," "accept," or "approve" a homosexual lifestyle because He is love. He will always accept people who come to Him, but He will never accept homosexuality. It is a sin.

You can argue with me to your heart's content, but there is a truth that no fact in America can change: marriage was meant for a man and a woman. Period. I will stand behind that fact and teach it to my family and others who will listen.

God's love is multi-faceted and manifests in many ways. It does not simply manifest itself through acceptance, but it is shown through discipline, holiness, standards, directions, and much more. Read through the Bible with an open mind and you'll find out more.

make crazy memories with your kids

One of my favorite birthdays I remember as a kid was when my great aunt from California, my mom, and I were at Byerly's (an upscale grocery store) and for lunch we each got one item from the pastry case. (I'm sure my great aunt greatly influenced that decision!) It was my most favorite birthday lunch ever... so good!

And yes, I had a relatively upset tummy a few hours later... and I still remember how I remedied it. I ate a cucumber! Not cutting it up or anything, just washed it and ate it like an apple!

Sometimes the best memories come when you throw aside the "rule" book and just treat yourself to something special! :-)

Happy Friday everyone!

boundaries

Picture yourself at a beach on a lake. Orange cones and ropes surround a square area of the lake marked as the swimming area. You walk through the sand and head into the water. You decide to see if those orange cones have a purpose. You wade through the water out to the back boundary. Well, I think the land goes out farther than this boundary. I'll just move the cone a little farther out and it won't matter. You move the rope out past where it was. Your feet immediately fall off the edge and you swim back to safety.

Walk with me down another path.... Imagine you're on the beach of a beautiful ocean ready to go swimming. You walk into the ocean, swim for a few minutes before something jelly wraps around your leg. Stinging follows.

You've just been bit by jellyfish.

Ouch. Kinda wish I had told you that was a bad place to swim, huh?

When Brayden grows older, I will make sure he knows where he can and can't swim, not because I am a ruthless tyrant, but because I want him to stay safe. It's the same as if a steak knife drops on the floor. Brayden sees it and crawls as fast as he can to it. I beat him to it and he begins to bawl. All-out tears stream down his face. He is very frustrated that I didn't give him what he wanted. In that moment, he thinks I'm a ruthless tyrant who takes away everything he wants... but I promise, I really just want to keep him safe.

Humans need boundaries... and yes, that includes you and me as adults. We need to know what is safe and what is a successful path for our life. We don't like walking where we can't touch the ground. We don't like getting stung by jellyfish, and we don't like getting hurt by steak knifes. On the other hand, we want our way and think our way is the best... even if our way will get us hurt. That's because of our selfish nature. Babies, toddlers, and children are the best example of this. They represent humans at our truest form.

Adults hide this selfish nature under many different names; of late, the biggest name has been equality.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but the state I live in just made gay marriage legal. It makes me sick to my stomach to even admit it.

I am not biased. I am not judgmental. I don't want to wish bad financial situations on anyone or keep anyone from realizing their dreams, but I know that humans need boundaries. We cannot change moral code to fit our various whims. Marriage has been between a man and woman since the beginning of time (God made it that way... and yes, He is smarter than us). Who are we to think that we are so advanced that we should change something that had been this way forever?

Now, you may have perfectly good reasoning that you've strung together which has created your support for gay rights. But ponder this: we've removed that boundary... what is next? I've heard rumors of people campaigning that polygamy will be next because if it's all about love and those multiple people love that one people, it should be legal... even scarier than that, Erik has heard facts about East coast states removing gender lines between boys and girls... if a student has the body of a boy but feels like a girl, that student can use the girls' restroom, be on girls' sports teams, and act like a girl. Teachers must allow it and parents don't have to be told. The student can switch back to being a boy the next day.

I understand the "innocent" desire to help kids who are confused about their sexuality. But what confused them in the first place? Was it the fact that women and men now have blurred lines as to their role within the family? Culture has deemed "weird people" and "those who don't fit in" as ones who have to question their sexuality as opposed to going with the way their body was made, even if they have different instincts.

We can't live life by feelings; we have to have a standard of living.

If I lived my life solely by my feelings and by what I wanted, I would most likely only eat chocolate and sugary goodness and bake chocolate chip cookies every night. The reason I don't? I know that despite what I feel, I need to abide by certain boundaries of health that keep me safe.

I was thinking about those kids last night who are being taught to question their sexuality by allowing them to switch genders... what a difficult life they have ahead of them because they have been given no boundaries. They are stuck to figure out their sexuality on their own... so difficulty as a kid!

Yes, there are exceptions; yes, there are people who have tendencies toward x, y, z... but we cannot create a culture to indulge those feelings because we are then creating a boundary-less, unsafe place for us to grow.

By the way... what about those teenage guys who realize they can claim to be a girl, head into the girls' restroom because they are "questioning" their sexuality, and all they do is indulge in harming girls or "watching" porn in front of their eyes? No one is allowed to stop them because they have to follow their feelings. Makes me sick to my stomach. We've taken the boundaries away, and kids can get away with things that adults know is wrong, but we've pulled away the boundaries and adult help that would save those kids from a world of hurt. We're letting them swim with jellyfish.

You may think, "Well, that's just in the East coast...." "Polygamy legalized? That will never happen...." Come up with the excuse you want, but I guarantee that people 20-50 years ago would have never dreamed we would have legalized gay marriage.

Boundaries. Redefining marriage erases a boundary. You may consider that good for the sake of equality, but I promise you, it's not.


I want to say I'm sorry for my bluntness or come up with arguments to refute yours, but I'm not sorry and I won't go into them all here. Many conservatives agree with me, whether they have a platform to say it or not. This is an age where we can state our opinions via social media, and I have chosen to. You, whoever you are, are in my prayers.