I am a very tired mommy right now. Yes, I am a mommy, but no, I don't look like the mommy every one pictures when they think of a mommy. I'm a mommy whose child made it to heaven before she did. I'm a mommy who got to spend a few precious moments with my baby before passing him on to Jesus.
I don't think my head has wrapped around what exactly has happened or what I'm missing out on. Some of it has sunk it, but not all of it. I do know that the Lord gave us a precious gift: the gift of life in our firstborn son. He also gave us another precious gift: eternal life. The thought that He gave that directly to our son is pretty overwhelming. As much as I wish he was on earth, it is comforting to know he's in a much better place with Jesus.
Yeah, I don't have all the answers and don't know exactly what to think or feel, and from what everyone says, I don't need to know. But I do know that I am very grateful for everyone's support and prayers. It's incredible to be surrounded by such an outpouring of love and know that love and God's grace is what supports you through the most difficult of circumstances.
I know that God has to be doing something in me to be able to look back on the past two weeks and find good in it. I was talking with my sister-in-law and she said the same thing. It's odd because it's a tragedy that we lost our son early and our vision and hope for our immediate future had drastically changed... but somehow God shines on the good in the middle of that.
Thank you so much for your support. It's amazing and I'm truly grateful for the imprint each one of you have left in my family's lives.