random thoughts

Another week has passed. This one seemed to take a while, but I think it's because I'm looking forward to a lot of different things happening in the next few weeks.

I've definitely had my ups and downs this week. I've had visits with good friends talking about where my family has been and will be going. I've had a few cry-fests. I've had good moments. Dad and I did get back into the swing of things at work. And sometimes it does feel weird to stop and remember that you've lost something so dear just a few weeks ago. A lot of times I just think, what am I supposed to think??? What am I supposed to do? And I know no one has any answers to this - it's different for anyone, and it's normal to be going through a little bit of "lostness" in knowing how to react "right." Or more so, there's no "right" way to act.

Erik and I shared Brian's story today with some people. It was very interesting retelling it because it is a sad story naturally. I don't know how to relay the hope of the situation to people, but I'm kinda intrigued by how God will use this story in my life, Erik's life, my parents' lives, Cristina and the girls' lives. It's not the normal God-story, but it still is a God-story in every way. Physically things didn't go as we wanted or expected, but spiritually it got better and ended in a wave of glory that couldn't be denied. Again, mind-boggling since it's not what you expect, but I'm looking forward to see how it impacts people because I know somehow that story will impact people around the globe, especially as Erik, Cristina, and I look ahead to times of ministry somewhere down the road. And I don't need to worry about how the story impacts people; I just need to do my part and share my testimony of going through it when I can.

I don't know if I have a whole lot to say besides that so I'll end it.

Oh and if you want to hear a good song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGpPnE2Rt6A
Love it.

Blessings!

it's another day

Hi there! Today was a good day. Spent some time talking to a few different people who were checking in to see how we're doing. I think it's a good thing to spend time processing with people what we're feeling/going through, etc. So I enjoyed my times today remembering and acknowledging Brian and his God-filled life. Ahhh so many good things I could continue to say about his life.

Cristina and the girls are spending some time in Florida to recoup. My parents have a place down there (same place I got married!) and it's super peaceful and filled with good memories. Mom's helping them get settled and Dad and I are working a full week this week.

It's fun to think about what Brian's doing in heaven. I wonder if he has an assignment up there that will help the plan of God continue on this earth. Maybe he's doing something up there that will affect our lives down here. Maybe he's just hanging out with the prophets or his favorite Bible character (hmmm, I don't think I know who that is). Maybe he's just spending 24 hours a day worshiping. One day I'll get to join him and prepare to rule and reign with Jesus forever.

Now that's mind-boggling! I love the verse Pastor Mac quotes a lot: Eye hasn't seen, ear hasn't heard, neither has entered the heart of men the things that God has prepared for those who love them. (1 Cor. 2:9). Yes, God reveals it to us by His Spirit... but either way, it will still be more than we can ever ask or imagine! (Eph. 3:20)

As for me and my house, we're just hanging out right now. I cut Erik's hair last night (his initial idea) and it looks pretty decent, especially for a novice hair cutter! I absolutely love the new adventures Erik brings my way!

Hmmm I'm feeling rambly, and if you've ever received any voice messages from me, you know that means I can talk a reallllllly long time, usually about nothing, so for now, I'll simply sign off.

Blessings on your day!

feeling refreshed

So I'm almost over this cold/cough - about at 95% now... not that you really needed to know that, but it's true. Last night, I had a girls' sleepover with some of my Bible study friends and they prayed over me for a long time. I just felt like I was getting filled up with God again and getting re-energized in my relationship with Him. I know where God is and how to find Him, but I've been needing a little help in heading there, just because I'm a little unsure. (With the past few months, even years, of dealing with Brian's sickness, it has been mentally exhausting.)

All that to say, I'm feeling refreshed and a lot more like myself spiritually and physically than I have in a long time.

It was kinda funny because I told the girls that I'd probably get up 8 or 8:30 a.m. since that's when I normally get up and I'm past the age where you sleep in until noon... but I woke up at 10:15 a.m. They were sweet to let me sleep in. I needed the rest.

Anyway, I'm going to work a little today to make up for some time I spent with my family earlier this week and then off to hang with more girlfriends. :) YAY!

...

Hi there... life has continued. I finally feel like I'm getting over that nasty cough cold I had last week. Sorry for y'all who had to endure seeing me in that state! Thankfully I'm almost through.

My family and I have been reading through all the cards we've received - we still have a lot more to read. Thank you for all your kind words! I'm a "words person" (love language) so I just soak in the words on the card and let them encourage and minister to me. I definitely need it.

My parents are doing aok. My dad is super busy helping Cristina get situated - all the phone calls, arrangements, changes, etc. My mom is helping with the girls. They've been blessed with plenty of food (thank you!) to help them through the week, so cooking hasn't been needed. I know God's watching over all those little details to help make the transition to a new life easier.

Erik and I have some much needed time with our friends this weekend: I have an overnight with girlfriends and he'll be hunting. I'll get some alone time to catch up on house things as well. So all is going as well as it can be or even better since God is involved. We're trucking along.

I hope you all had safe travels back to your family locations if you came up for the funeral last week. Thanks for your prayers and support. I feel it and am extremely blessed that you're there helping me.

Well, I suppose I could ramble on, but then you'd get bored. :) Have a wonderful evening/morning/night/day... whatever moment it is you are living in right now.

Love~

walking through the storm; coming back to life

So I'm a little gun shy about heading back into reality with a bunch of people. E and I wound up staying at home and watching LWCC online. (Trust me, we don't normally do that!!) Pastor Jim's message was about words and watching him quote scripture reminded me that the Lord truly is my shepherd and I shall not want because he makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me besides still waters. He restores my soul. And even though my family and I have been walking through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't have to fear because God is with us. And God comforts us when we are there.

I know some of it I'm still saying from my head since I know that is the route to turn. God keeps turning me back toward Him and He comforts me through this time.

If you happen to be on facebook and want to reminiscence about Brian, check out the group "Memories of Brian Baker." Robbie (Bri's best friend) started the group to help us all remember and heal. Here's my post. Maybe I'll post more later from my sister perspective. He was an absolutely wonderful brother. :)

"He and my mom and I were talking when we were teenagers about when we would get married. Brian, being the great brother that he is, said that if I didn't have a rock on my hand by the time I was 25, he'd make sure I'd have some "bling."

"Fast forward a number of years. It was January, I was 24, and just starting dating someone. Everyone started speculating if I would be single by the time my birthday (august) came around. We joked about the idea that if my boyfriend was interested in proposing, he'd have to do it in September, so I could get my diamonds from Bri. Thankfully (since I have a much better boy for me now) that boy left a few months later, and when summer came, I was single. So on July 4, my family was at the cabin and he gave me a pair of diamond earrings. :) I love them!"

Good guy, huh?

Anyway, off to finish watching the vikings. Maybe I'll make cookies too.

a good day

Today was a good day. Erik had a morning for himself duck hunting with a friend, and I had a morning at home sleeping and reading. We spent the afternoon and evening at my parents with my grandparents, 2 uncles and aunt. It was wonderful.

Today I think presented a time to laugh, a few times of crying, a time to reminiscence, play games, and remember some normalcy for my family. And yes, if you happened to read Erik's facebook status, my mom, my aunt, and myself all learned how to clog today by watching youtube videos. Super funny! Then, we had a netti-pot party cleaning out our sinuses...

Doesn't every family have quirks like we do?

We laughed a lot today and just rested together watching football, eating food, and talking. Oh and we ended with a game of Taboo.

Not that you needed to know all that, but today was good for a smile.

saying goodbye

Just finished saying goodbye to Brian. It was a good day. Tough, but good. Lots of emotions, lots of family, lots of friends. Thank you to everyone who came and supported me, my parents, grandparents, and Cristina and the girls.

Now with the week over (which was a long week), I'm a little baffled on what to do. Supposed to get back to life, while remembering who Brian was to us. I know the new normal will come, but it's a little overwhelming trying to understand it now. For now, sleep is good. Food network is fun. And tomorrow is a day of rest. Nothing to plan. I can accomplish things at home (which always feels good to do). And then later in the day, I'll go spend time with my parents and an aunt and uncle who are staying in town to help us work through the next few days (Thank you UC and AM!!!)

Thanks again to all the family and friends who came with love. I know the support meant a lot for me; I can imagine my parents were blessed as well.

Off to walk the dog before bed. I love the fact that Tucker's just happy. As a dog, he has no idea what happened today (except that we left him a long time in the kennel!!!). He's just happy that we're home. I like that. Now, if only he can sit like Erik's asking him to do right now... :)

Love~