Monday, May 9, 2011

my first mother's day

Well, no one expects their first mother's day to be one without a baby in their arms, but I know it happens to more people than it ever should. (Hey, if it only happened to one person ever, that's too many!) I was thinking about all those moms yesterday - the ones with babies in heaven - and sending them love.

Yesterday was my first mother's day, and thanks to my wonderful friends and family it went as good as it could. My lips trembled many times throughout the day and tears came once, but overall, I took the day to remember Brody and think about Jesus or Uncle Brian telling him stories about me in heaven. I'm sure Brody was laughing and smiling over my many quirks.

Sometimes it's very hard to even comprehend that I am supposed to have a newborn who would be friends with all the babies I see being born right now. Pictures of new babies and pregnant bellies continue to pop up and with the marvels of facebook, I feel like I'm watching certain kids grow up. It kinda makes me sick to the stomach thinking that I was supposed to be one of them--that's why I do try to stop myself whenever my mind goes in that direction.

I think I'm pretty good at adapting to new situations in life. The past is the past and it can't be changed, so why dwell on it? You can wish every once in a while that things would be different, but I think I'd rather dream about the future. I'm kinda mentally going back to the place I was in before I got pregnant--and that's the place where I dream about holding a baby in my arms.

That seems to be the best place for me to be. I love Brody and remember him all the time. Wishing and dreaming I could be with him, but knowing he's in the best place he could ever be in. I mean, this is really a crazy world... I am very glad he's safe with Jesus right now.

Thank you to everyone who took time to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It meant the world to me to hear it. I know I don't look like a mother to the naked eye, but I am and I love being a mommy, even though it's different than I expected.

I'm hopeful that next Mother's Day I'll be holding a baby, but only God knows for sure exactly the timing on that. I believe that Brody won't meet his siblings (whoever they are!) for a very long time. Mommy and Daddy get time with them for a long time (in earth time) first! (And just to confirm, I'm not preggo...). :-)

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful ladies in my life... my mom, both my grandmas, Erik' mom, both Erik's grandmas. You are all beautiful and I'm so happy you are my family. I learn from you and love you.

P.S. I have to give a shout out to my hubby for being with me and by my side through yesterday. He's amazing... the flowers and card were perfect and I ESPECIALLY loved our dinner... Dairy Queen cupcakes! MADE MY DAY! (Note: I rarely use all caps to show emphasis... but this was THAT important to me... all caps were necessary!)  **huge smile**

1 comment:

  1. Hi Laura,

    I found your blog by accident, it was on the blog role of a technical blog that I was reading and I was attracted by your title. I was touched by your testimony and your attitude about losing your first son.

    I wanted to share with you my conviction and knowledge that families are a central part of God's plan for us, and that we can be with our families forever. The video at the following link is about another woman's experience losing a son, but knowing that she could still be the boy's mother for all eternity: