Tuesday, November 24, 2009

learning about the Lord

It's been a rough week. A lot of it came from my extreme tiredness when Tucker had diarrhea in the middle of the night two nights in a row earlier this week. And if you know me at all, you know when I miss sleep, it's not a pretty picture! Thankfully, he's on the rebound so the sleepless nights were only two in a row.

I think Brian being gone is starting to hit me harder. The why is seeming bigger since the shock of it is gone and the relief that he's free from pain has subsided a bit (although I'm grateful he's not in pain anymore). Now it's starting to hit that my everyday life is really truly being affected and it stinks.

I miss him a lot. I miss the family we were when he was completely normal. I'm sad that Erik won't ever get to experience that fully. I miss the normal of two years ago. This really really stinks.

You know, it's crazy how many prayer requests for sick people have been brought to my attention in the past few weeks. I know I was oblivious to much of that kind of stuff happening when I was younger, but it seems like sickness is hitting families extra hard recently. And it is tough to know exactly how to handle it when you've just been through the fight we've been through. One day at a time is the best I can do!

The phrase that stuck out in my Bible time yesterday was "Lead me in the way everlasting." It has been very comforting to think on that yesterday and today because I'm not really sure how to get to that way right now. I'm glad to know God will help me. I know all the right answers, and I know what I would generally say to someone if they were in my position, so that's not a concern. It's doing them and putting the pieces together in your brain that make it a little more difficult.

Anyway, I'm a work in progress and I'm glad God is leading me down the way everlasting, somehow, someway, because no matter what happens around me, I know that deep in my heart I truly love Him and am so grateful for His guiding hand on my life in this crazy world. He makes me have a stability without which I would be lost.

Off to the dog park with Tucker. I love seeing him run around there. I always get a little nervous that I won't be able to get him back on his leash, but I always do. And while I'm there, I'll keep talking to God. He's good.

Happy Saturday!

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